🚨 Pi Network ETF: Not Happening Yet, Folks! 🚨

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Here’s the deal: No Pi Network ETF exists. Zip. Zero. Nada. And no one-not a single issuer-has even hinted at filing for one. This is according to the wise sages at ActuFinance and other industry observers who, frankly, have better things to do than chase crypto pipe dreams. 🧙‍♂️✨

XRP Breaks Chains, SHIB Dreams Big, BTC Options Explode – A Weekend to Remember!

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Trust Wallet, that digital scribe, has etched Apple Pay and Google Pay into its ledger, offering XRP a golden ticket to 40 countries. The U.S., Brazil, France, Germany, and others now sip from the same crypto chalice, their users able to buy BTC, ETH, BNB, SOL, XRP, USDC, and USDT with USD or EUR. Minimums? A paltry $20-though regional limits, like a strict parent, may intervene.

Is Nebius a Buy?

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Bear witness to its lineage: Nebius emerged from the fractured remains of Yandex, that Russian search monolith expelled from Nasdaq’s temple when the cannons of Ukraine’s siege roared. Conceived as Yandex’s internal GPU-laden hydra, it now rears its head in Amsterdam’s financial courts, reborn as a so-called “neocloud” apostle alongside CoreWeave. Their creed? To furnish the electrum of AI-Nvidia’s sacred GPUs-upon demand, mirroring Amazon’s AWS dominion yet dedicated to the algorithmic sublime. A noble cause, or so the prospectuses claim.

Ripple’s Smart Contract Secret: A Jane Austen Twist!

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Mr. Schwartz, in a most convivial discussion on X space, was joined by esteemed colleagues such as Mayukha Vadari and the enigmatic Bias Goose, among others. The discourse, titled “Programmability on XRPL,” was as spirited as a country dance, with each participant contributing their own unique steps to the conversation. 🕑💃

🤑 Tether’s Golden Gambit: Crypto Giant Hoards Gold, Snubs Bitcoin, and Baffles the World 🤑

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Tether's Gold and Bitcoin Holdings

Yes, gold. That shiny, ancient relic of value, which Tether now hoards with the fervor of a dragon guarding its treasure. 🏰 Recent whispers from the Financial Times reveal that Tether has become the largest non-central bank holder of gold, amassing over 120 tons of the stuff. Imagine the vaults! The sheer weight of it all! One might wonder if they’re planning to build a golden fortress to fend off the volatility of their own creation. 🏰💰

XRP Reserves Plunge: Binance in Tears, Hodlers Rejoice! 🤑

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While the trading floor quivers with the sort of anxiety usually reserved for a debutante’s first ball, the sagacious analysts at CryptoQuant, led by the enigmatic Darkfrost, remain unruffled. They view this exodus not as a harbinger of doom, but as a positive trend, akin to a society hostess approving of her guests’ punctuality. Most withdrawals, it seems, are not destined for the gallows of selling, but for the safety of long-term custody. 🛡️

HYPE’s $50 Dream: Will It Fly or Crash? 🚀💸

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Lo, the sagacious OxMakeSense, ever the prophet of crypto’s whims, has unveiled a roadmap for HYPE to ascend to $50, a price that glimmers like a distant star. Yet, one cannot help but chuckle at the audacity of such predictions, for what is cryptocurrency if not a theater of delusions and desperate gambles? The analyst speaks of “untouched liquidity,” as though the market were a virgin forest, ripe for conquest.