Fortunately, Tesla’s EV sales returned to growth in the recent third quarter (ended Sept. 30). The company will release its full operating results for the quarter on Wednesday, Oct. 22, which will give investors an update not only on its EV business, but also on future product platforms like the Cybercab autonomous robotaxi and the Optimus humanoid robot.
While the short-term vibe is as flaky as a poorly baked scone, some technical wizards are whispering that the market might be plotting a sneaky comeback. After all, who doesn’t love a good surprise? 🧙♂️
For one, investors were not happy when the luxury electric vehicle (EV) company reported lower-than-expected deliveries during the third quarter of 2025. Imagine if your favorite magician forgot to pull a rabbit out of his hat-only to find it had been replaced with a tax audit. *Sigh.*
Arkham Intelligence, those on-chain detectives, have been busy with their magnifying glasses, and they’ve found a little something. A cool 127,426 BTC, all traced back to the notorious Lubian.com mining pool. And here’s the kicker: this all goes down in late 2020. Talk about a blast from the past! 🕵️♂️
According to a CryptoQuant Quicktake by the ever-observant TeddyVision, Bitcoin’s Inter-Exchange Flow Pulse (IFP) has been drooping like a sad balloon at a canceled birthday party. 🎈😢 This means the crypto exchanges are as quiet as a library during finals week, and arbitrage opportunities are rarer than a polite comment section on the internet. 🕵️♂️🔍
Zerohedge, ever the drama queen, linked the surge in gold, silver, and bitcoin to the “currency debasement” caused by governments spending billions on AI arms races. Because nothing says “we’re building a better future” like funding a robot war. 🤖💥 Musk, ever the tech savant, agreed, writing: “True. That is why bitcoin is based on energy: you can issue fake fiat currency, and every government in history has done so, but it is impossible to fake energy.” Because, let’s face it, no one’s going to trick a power plant into thinking it’s generating more electricity than it actually is. ⚡
TAO Synergies, a major digital asset treasury, is focused on the Bittensor (TAO) ecosystem, and they’ve raised a private placement financing round of 11 million. A grand affair, indeed! 🧙♂️💰
Bitwise, a crypto asset manager which sounds like a fancy brain training program, says 172 companies are now holding the stuff. That’s… a lot of spreadsheets. The total value of all this corporate Bitcoin is now $117 billion, which is more than the GDP of Liechtenstein. I checked. 🇱🇮
Japanese advertising giant Hakuhodo, in a move that could only be described as “finally getting it right,” partnered with Tools for Humanity and LG Electronics for the pilot. The program targeted a persistent industry problem: distinguishing real users from bots. Because, let’s face it, bots have been giving advertisers a run for their money-literally.
In a move that screams “we’ve got your back,” Binance has just launched its “Together Initiative.” This isn’t just a small handshake; we’re talking $300 million in a user seed program. Oh, and don’t forget the $100 million institutional support fund! 🍀💵 Retail users, brace yourselves for token vouchers ranging from $4,000 to $6,000. That’s right, they’re throwing you a lifeline to cover your losses from the recent crypto rollercoaster ride. 🎢💔
