CryptoQuant, that paragon of wisdom, informs us that this debacle was not caused by a single catastrophic event-oh no, far too pedestrian-but by a glorious collision of sentiment extremes, macroeconomic uncertainty, and on-chain stress. A veritable cocktail of despair, shaken but not stirred. 🍸🔥
And who’s leading this grand exodus? None other than BlackRock’s IBIT, the so-called “world’s largest publicly-listed fund.” Ha! More like the world’s largest sieve, with over $2 billion leaking out this month alone, according to SoSoValue. 🕳️💰
Bitcoin, that stubborn stallion, drifted below its 400-day dance partner-the moving average-plunging to a modest $86,275, igniting a flurry of distress among those who bought high, only to watch their investment pretend it’s an ice cube on a warm day.
Behold the “Coinbase Premium Gap,” a curious beast that measures the chasm between the price of BTC on Coinbase (the favored watering hole of US investors) and Binance (where the global hoi polloi gather). Lately, this gap has plunged into the crimson depths, a scarlet warning that the American traders are peddling their coins faster than a tumbleweed rolls in a tornado.
According to an SEC filing, McCollum Christoferson sold out its entire position in Simply Good Foods during the third quarter. The exit was as thorough as a parent cleaning out a child’s closet-no sentimental value, just a pile of old t-shirts and a faint smell of regret. The transaction, valued at $3,979,866, was based on the quarterly average price, which I assume is a fancy way of saying “we’ll take whatever the market gives us.”
We asked four AIs to predict what happens next. Because nothing says “financial advice” like asking entities that think toasters have feelings 🤖💔.
The fund, in its quarterly report, disclosed the purchase of 1,511,866 shares, a gesture both bold and hesitant. The value of this holding, 7.47% of the fund’s equity assets, suggested a calculated risk, yet the numbers themselves were a riddle: a company with a market cap of nearly a billion, yet net income in the red, its revenues a flickering flame.
On November 10, 2025, Hillsdale Investment Management Inc. filed with the SEC that it had acquired 1,738,825 shares of SSR Mining Inc., a move that cost them roughly $42.45 million. For context, that’s about what my sister paid for her “investment” in a NFT of a dancing cat. But unlike her cat, SSR Mining actually produces something: gold, silver, copper, and the occasional lead balloon.
According to the filing, a sort of bureaucratic communiqué sent to the SEC, Turiya Advisors spruced up their portfolio with the addition-brilliantly timed or merely coincidental, depending on your outlook-of 5,644,900 GALAXY-sized shares. As a matter of fact, as of the quarter’s close, their holding was valued at a tidy $115.66 million, gobbling up over a third of their total U.S. equities pie, which in round figures is about $378 million-enough to buy a small island, or at least a rather comfortable yacht to sail away from the market’s idiocies.
Behold, the august analyst On-Chain Mind proclaims that Bitcoin’s Mean Reversion Oscillator-a device as arcane as it is indispensable-has deigned to print its first green oversold bar in months. A signal, one might add, as rare as a unicorn’s sneeze, and historically aligned with the twilight of retracements during bull markets. This oscillator, a measure of price’s deviation from its cyclical mean, serves as a barometer for when Bitcoin stretches itself too thin on the rack of despair.
