Alright, settle down, settle down! So, Warren Buffett, the Oracle of Omaha, stepped down as CEO of Berkshire Hathaway. Big whoop! The man’s got more money than sense… which, frankly, is saying something. But his stock portfolio? That’s still worth a cool $307 billion as of this writing. That’s like, a lot of knishes! We’re gonna take a look, and I’m gonna tell ya what’s worth your hard-earned dough and what’s… well, let’s just say it’s better left for the pigeons.
Now, listen closely. Apple and American Express? Dependable. Solid. Like your bubbe’s chicken soup. Kraft Heinz? Forget about it! That’s a mess. A total, unmitigated disaster. We’ll get to that later. Trust me, you’ll want to sit down for that one.
Buy Apple and American Express – Don’t Be a Schmuck!
Apple and American Express, folks, they make up nearly 34% of Berkshire’s holdings. That’s like putting all your eggs in two very shiny, expensive baskets. Berkshire jumped on the Apple bandwagon back in 2016. Smart move! And American Express? Buffett’s been sweet on that one since before the invention of sliced bread. Seriously, 1991! That’s practically ancient history! He knew a good thing when he saw it, the savvy old fox.
Apple, of course, is still mostly about the iPhone. But they’re expanding into services – the App Store, iCloud… basically, they’re trying to make sure you’re locked into their ecosystem forever. It’s genius, really. Diabolical, but genius! They’re also buying back shares like they’re going out of style. With $145 billion in cash, they could buy a small country if they wanted to. And analysts expect revenue and earnings to grow at a respectable clip. Not a rocket ship, mind you, but a solid, dependable sedan. Like a Cadillac. Or a really nice Yugo, if you’re feeling adventurous.
Now, American Express is a different animal altogether. They’re not just a credit card company; they are a bank. They issue their own cards, manage their own accounts. Visa and Mastercard? They’re just middle-men! Like a pushy salesman. Amex, though? They’re the owner of the store. And they attract a higher-income clientele. These aren’t folks buying ramen noodles; they’re buying caviar! That means more fees, more interest, more money for Amex. They’ve been buying back shares like there’s no tomorrow, and analysts are predicting solid growth. It’s a bargain, folks! A real steal! You could practically get two for the price of one!
But Avoid Kraft Heinz – Oy Gevalt!
Alright, brace yourselves. This is where it gets ugly. Kraft Heinz. The merger of Kraft and Heinz orchestrated by Buffett and 3G Capital. It sounded good on paper, but it’s been a disaster. A complete and utter catastrophe. It accounts for about 2.6% of Berkshire’s portfolio, and it’s been dragging the whole thing down. Like a millstone around the neck of a very wealthy investor.
Over the past decade, consumers have been shunning packaged foods in favor of healthier options. And Kraft Heinz? They were slow to react. They focused on cost-cutting instead of innovation. It was like trying to save a sinking ship with a leaky bucket! In 2019, they took a $15 billion writedown on their brands, cut their dividend, and got slapped with an SEC probe. Buffett even admitted they overpaid! Can you believe it? The Oracle of Omaha admitting a mistake! It’s like the Pope admitting he likes disco!
They tried to split up the business, but then they paused it and decided to invest in R&D and marketing. Good for them! But analysts still expect revenue to decline. They might turn profitable again in 2026, and earnings might grow a bit, but it’s still a risky bet. It’s cheap, yes, but it’s likely to stay in the penalty box until they can show some real improvement. So, my advice? Steer clear. Unless you enjoy throwing good money after bad.
And that, my friends, is the straight dope. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go yell at my broker. And maybe eat a bagel. It’s been a long day.
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2026-03-09 21:13