Vanguard ETFs: A Faustian Bargain for 2026?

The Vanguard S&P 500 ETF (VOO), a creature of legend among the common folk, tracks the S&P 500 index like a hound chasing a phantom. It hoards 500 stocks from America’s most venerable corporations, a collection so vast it could rival the Library of Alexandria-if books were replaced with balance sheets. To invest in VOO is to sign a contract with the devil himself, who, for a fee, promises survival through any storm. Crestmont Research, that oracle of numbers, claims the index has never failed to recover in 20 years-a feat that would make even Job weep.

CZ’s 10-Minute “Romance”-Too Slow News Day?

It all started during the dust-up with old Peter Schiff – a man who thinks gold is the only real thing. Onstage, this Tintin character, affiliated with the Aster project, handed CZ a box. A heavy one. “Real fking heavy,” she chirped on the bird site. And folks, well, their imaginations took flight, didn’t they? Like tumbleweeds in a ghost town.

QQQ vs. MGK: Tech ETFs in the Dustbowl 🌾

MGK, a child of Vanguard’s frugal gospel, tracks the CRSP U.S. Mega Cap Growth Index-a congregation of titans, their shadows long enough to blot out the sun. QQQ, meanwhile, follows the NASDAQ-100, a caravan of 101 souls trudging through the non-financial wilds of the Nasdaq. Their stories are etched in returns, yields, and betas, but their true nature lies in the dirt beneath the numbers.

Constellation’s Three-Year Stock Journey

Imagine, if you will, a company that’s been outpaced by the very currents of consumer behavior. Younger generations, it seems, are less inclined to raise a glass than their predecessors, while a significant chunk of its Hispanic clientele found themselves navigating a labyrinth of economic and political headwinds. Meanwhile, tariffs on aluminum cans and supply chain snarls in Mexico added the kind of friction that turns a smooth road into a bumpy one.

Digital Asset Banks Get Green Light: OCC’s Latest Circus Show 🎪💰

Imagine, if you will, a parade of these shiny new trust banks-“First National Digital Currency Bank” and “Ripple National Trust Bank”-like fresh recruits vying for applause in a society obsessed with shiny new toys. In the wings, three veterans-BitGo Bank & Trust, Fidelity Digital Assets, Paxos-are getting their last-minute pep talks, awaiting the OCC’s final nod, after proving they’re not just a bunch of digital jokes. Ah, the pomp and circumstance of regulatory approval! 😂

Interactive Brokers Lets You Fund Your Account with Crypto… Sort Of!

Interactive Brokers Group Inc. has officially started allowing a subset of eligible U.S. retail clients to fund individual brokerage accounts using stablecoins. This move marks a major integration of digital assets into the world of mainstream finance. The feature is being implemented in cautious phases. Therefore, it begins with just a part of the eligible clients in the US.

Crypto Tragedy &burntBrain: The Kuzmin Affair!

A motive entangled with crypto-the most fashionable vice of our times-has been suspected in the demise of Danylo Kuzmin, son of Kharkiv’s deputy mayor. Vienna’s finest are investigating a gruesome tale wherein a very substantial amount vanished from his digital wallet post-mortem. The young man, found in a charred convertible in Vienna’s Donaustadt (autumn 2023), was the offspring of Serhii Kuzmin, a local official who surely wishes he had a digital child-proof lock. 😅