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Their initial ambition – to replicate, with botanical ingenuity, the gustatory pleasures of meat – has, shall we say, encountered headwinds. The “hamburgers,” the “nuggets,” the “sausage” – each iteration a testament to the relentless pursuit of palatable illusion – have failed to ignite the sustained demand necessary for robust growth. Through the first three quarters of 2025, revenue contracted by a disheartening 14%, following a 5% decline in the preceding year. More telling, perhaps, is the consistent erosion of volume across all sales channels—a silent, damning indictment of waning consumer enthusiasm. It appears the public, while momentarily intrigued by the novelty, has largely returned to more established, and frankly, more satisfying, culinary traditions.

It’s a master limited partnership, which sounds terrifyingly complex (and involves a Schedule K-1 tax form, which is basically a filing nightmare). But apparently, it has a “fortress financial profile”. A fortress! Like it’s expecting a siege. Still, I’m tentatively optimistic. It’s a pipeline company, which is… reassuringly unglamorous. And they’ve secured growth through 2029. 2029! That’s… a long time. It feels almost irresponsible to plan that far ahead. But okay, fine. I’ll allow it.

The reason I’m… committed to Microsoft long-term isn’t because I believe in tech innovation or the boundless potential of the digital age. It’s because it’s boringly, reliably embedded in the soul of corporate life. Globally. And that, my friends, is a beautiful thing. From a purely selfish investment perspective, of course.

The first, they called Robinhood, a name redolent of a bygone era of romantic outlaws, now repurposed for a new breed of bandits – those who preyed not on stagecoaches, but on the anxieties of the newly minted investor. It was a curious thing, this democratization of ruin, allowing anyone with a pulse and a smartphone to gamble on the shifting sands of the market. The company, it was said, had doubled its earnings in a single quarter, a feat that would have been considered miraculous in the age of brick and mortar, but now felt merely…inevitable. They spoke of investment accounts blossoming like poisonous flowers, each one a testament to the enduring human capacity for hope and self-deception. The price, of course, was 38.7 times forward earnings – a valuation so precarious it seemed to defy gravity, balanced on the breath of wishful thinking.

Website construction, one might observe, is hardly a field demanding exceptional skill. The barriers to entry are depressingly low. Yet, a certain stickiness develops. Once a proprietor has painstakingly assembled their digital establishment on Wix’s platform, the prospect of dismantling it and rebuilding elsewhere is sufficiently unpleasant to discourage most. This, naturally, is the foundation of their profitability.

However, as with all theatrical displays, a swift reversal is often in order. February, with a chilling disregard for optimism, saw a decline of twenty-three percent. Thus, we are prompted to inquire: what fueled this momentary frenzy, and whether prudence dictates a cautious approach to this gilded venture?

The forthcoming year, 2026, remains, of course, shrouded. However, the cyclical occurrence of the U.S. midterm elections in November presents a historical anomaly worthy of… observation. It is not a prediction, certainly. Merely a noting of the ways in which the system seems to repeat itself, a bureaucratic echo in the vast halls of finance.

Over the past twelve months, the share price has ascended by a rather improbable 375%. One begins to suspect the involvement of exceptionally well-trained pigeons. However, before anyone rushes to mortgage their house and invest everything, a closer examination reveals a business model riddled with caveats and facing headwinds of potentially significant proportions. (It’s always the proportions, isn’t it? Everything comes down to proportions. And the curvature of spacetime. But mostly proportions.)

Meta Platforms, currently valued at $1.8 trillion, appears poised to join this exclusive company. It is not merely a question of growth, but of a subtle, almost imperceptible shift in the very fabric of engagement. The relentless march of artificial intelligence, woven into the architecture of Facebook and Instagram, is reshaping the landscape of social interaction, and, consequently, bolstering Meta’s financial performance. An investor, with a patient disposition and a keen eye for value, might reasonably anticipate a 67% return should Meta indeed ascend to the $3 trillion threshold.