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Among those benefitting from this modest dispensation is the Vanguard High Dividend Yield ETF (VYM +1.72%). With some $72.2 billion under management as of February 3rd – a sum that rather dwarfs the national debts of several respectable principalities – it holds a position of some consequence in the dividend landscape. The appeal, naturally, lies not in any particular brilliance of investment strategy, but in the sheer, relentless efficiency of cost-cutting.

The numbers, of course, speak for themselves – a precipitous fall of 23.9% since last Friday’s close. One almost expects a chorus of mournful violins. But numbers, dear reader, are merely the shadows on the wall. It is the why of things that truly concerns a discerning investor – or, indeed, a man who has seen a few empires rise and fall over a cup of lukewarm tea.

The analysts, those perfectly coiffed vultures, were expecting thirty-four cents a share. Thirty-four! They got forty-four. FORTY-FOUR! And sales clocked in at $136.5 million, a decent bump from where they were. Beating the lines, top and bottom. It’s enough to send the suits into a frenzy, popping champagne and preening. But I’ve seen this movie before. It ALWAYS ends badly.

The question is, is this still a ticket to early retirement, or are we looking at a beautifully designed, extremely expensive paperweight? Because let’s be honest, the stock market is full of things that look like a shortcut to wealth, but mostly just deliver stress and questionable life choices.

They make the stuff hospitals need. Not the glamorous, robot-assisted surgery bullshit—that’s for the Instagram doctors—but the surgical sealants, the beds, the IV drips. The mundane, vital infrastructure of a crumbling healthcare system. It’s not sexy, no. But old people break. A LOT. And the Baby Boomers? They’re not exactly slowing down the carnage. It’s a demographic inevitability, a slow-motion train wreck, and Baxter is selling the bandages. You can’t argue with that, not if you’re willing to look past the bloodstains.

Last night, Bloom reported a paltry $0.45 per share, scrubbed clean of unpleasant truths, on sales of $777.7 million. Enough to momentarily stir the pot, enough for the market to twitch. The stock, predictably, has offered a meager rise, about 1% as of this hour. A breadcrumb for the hopeful.

Look, I’m not saying it’s a turnaround. I’m saying it’s a momentary pause in the inevitable descent. They posted “encouraging” results. Encouraging? It was a 0.2% revenue increase. 0.2%! My toaster oven has more dramatic quarterly gains. But apparently, in this market, that’s enough to get people excited. It’s like lowering the bar until it’s lying flat on the ground and then celebrating the high jump.

Nvidia, in a move that can only be described as ‘doubling down on the digital future,’ has recently injected another $2 billion into CoreWeave. This isn’t just pocket change, you understand. It’s enough to buy a small country, or at least a very large server farm. The market, predictably, has reacted with a surge, bumping CoreWeave’s stock up a respectable 26% since the start of the year. But should you join the fray? That, as they say, is the question.