Gemini’s CFTC Victory: Crypto’s New Oracle 🧙‍♂️💰

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Behold, the Designated Contract Market license, a golden key that unlocks the gates to regulated prediction markets for the first time in this land. On the 10th day of December, Gemini Titan LLC, an affiliate of the crypto twins, received this divine decree after a five-year pilgrimage through the deserts of regulatory scrutiny. The CFTC, in its infinite wisdom, hath spoken, and lo, the people shall trade in yes-or-no markets, tied to the whims of price levels, corporate intrigues, and political theatrics.

Costco’s Stock: A Tale of Resilience and Risk

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Imagine, if you will, a man placing $10,000 in the hands of a broker, trusting the soil of the market to nourish his seed. Six months later, that seed has withered. The stock, once a sturdy oak, now stands gnarled and bent, its value a shadow of what it was. The man’s hands, calloused from labor, now clutch a meager yield of $8,769. A bitter harvest, this, where the wind of the market has blown hard and unkind.

HYPE is DOOMED! 📉

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A report, yes, another report filled with pronouncements and anxieties, speaks of these monthly ‘unlocks’ of HYPE. Ten million units unleashed upon an unsuspecting world! What wickedness is this?! The purpose remains shrouded in mystery, a darkness that only time – and perhaps a few more months of agonizing unlocks – will illuminate. Young Jason of Delphi Digital posits that we need to wait for the full extent of the suffering to become clear. Patience, he says. As if patience can mend a broken spirit! 🙄

Meme Coins vs AI: 2025’s Crypto Circus 🐘💥

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The main meme coin narrative, that old dog with a new leash, clung to 12.48% of attention, down from 14.36%. Yet it paraded proudly as champion, having outfoxed the AI scribes and RWA bureaucrats. Solana’s jesters, with their 4.57% share, performed acrobatics in sixth place, while AI meme coins-those half-baked satires of progress-crawled to 18th, and Base meme coins, trailing closely, earned 1.40% with the grace of a sleep-deprived turtle.

Tom Lee Says Ethereum Will Anchor the Next Global Financial System

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Tom Lee, the Wall Street strategist turned crypto evangelist who wears many hats at Fundstrat and Bitmine, joined Farokh Sarmad on Rug Radio for a candid chat about everything from early stock tips to Ethereum’s eventual dominance of the global economy. Spoiler alert: it’s all about tokenization.

Guardian Wealth Doubles Down on LKQ Stock With $1.8 Million Purchase

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In its quarterly 13F filing, submitted November 14, 2025, Guardian Wealth reported this sizable purchase of LKQ stock. It was no small maneuver-$1.83 million is still a decent pile of cash, even in a market that seems to have forgotten what “growth” means. The new position now makes up 2.87% of the fund’s $169.26 million in U.S. equity holdings. It’s a slice of a much bigger pie, but one with a heavy price tag.

🤑 Fed’s Tiny Snip Sends Crypto on a Wild Rollercoaster! 🚀💸

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Ah, the Federal Reserve, those masters of monetary mischief, pulled their rabbit out of the hat on Wednesday, slicing the federal funds rate by a mere 25 basis points. The third time’s the charm in 2025, they say, bringing rates to their lowest since the days of yore (early 2023, to be precise). 🧙♂️✨

🌌 Galaxy Invades UAE: Crypto Conquest or Desert Mirage? 🌴

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Galaxy’s Middle East Adventure

According to a Wednesday notice (because nothing says “we mean business” like a midweek press release), Galaxy will set up shop under the watchful eye of the Abu Dhabi Global Market (ADGM), the region’s financial bigwig. Mike Novogratz, the company’s founder and CEO, claims this is all part of a grand strategy to expand partnerships and operations. Or, as we like to call it, “conquering the world, one desert at a time.” 🗺️