In the annals of a Reuters report, there emerged speculation that orforglipron, a nascent contender in the realm of obesity treatment, might find its way to the hallowed halls of the FDA’s approval before the year’s end. Though uncertainty lingers like a fog on a quiet morning, optimism permeated among those keeping watch over Eli Lilly’s fortunes.
On September 16, Strive Inc. pulled off a clever little deal, snagging MSTR True North Inc. with what they call a “de minimis cash transaction.” In English? They basically got it for peanuts but claim it’s huge. True North’s been making money already, so this is like adopting that cousin who actually pays rent. The goal? To shove True North’s media and treasury stuff into Strive’s giant digital money machine without spending more cash. Strive hit a milestone in September 2025 by becoming the first publicly traded asset management bitcoin treasury company. Yeah, a mouthful, but important enough to flex about.
The market’s enthusiasm was, to be fair, somewhat understandable. One announcement detailed a potential successor to Wegovy, the drug that’s turned obesity into a lucrative niche for the company. The other suggested that Wegovy might do more than just melt away pounds-it might also help people stop thinking about cake. (A development so profound it could rival the invention of the tea bag.)
Picture this-the villainous marauder leverages a flash loan, buying a staggering 4.6 million shiny Bone ShibaSwap tokens (BONE, for those scoring at home). With this arsenal, they slip behind the curtain, slyly snatching validator signing keys and signing off on a transaction that sent a cool $2.4 million sprinting off the Shibarium bridge, faster than you can say “Satoshi’s revenge.”
Shares of AeroVironment (AVAV) were up 5% by 3:30 p.m. ET, because nothing says “confidence” like a stock price that dances like it’s in a Fred Astaire movie. Investors, it seems, are twirling with delight.
Ferguson’s Q4 revenue swelled 6.9% year-over-year to $8.5 billion, a number that, in the grand scheme of things, is roughly as impressive as a teapot orbiting Saturn. Adjusted earnings per share leapt from $2.98 to $3.48-a 17% increase that would have made a 1920s stockbroker weep with nostalgia. Analysts, those modern-day oracles of spreadsheets, had penciled in earnings near $3.29 on $8.7 billion in revenue. Ferguson’s results, therefore, were a masterclass in statistical sleight of hand: just enough to satisfy, just enough to confuse, and absolutely nothing to write home about-unless your home is a server farm in Nebraska.
On a gloriously mundane September 16, 2025, Bitwise Funds Trust submitted a post-effective amendment-because why file just once when you can file again, and again?-for their Stablecoin and Tokenization ETF. The plan: 75 days from ink to reality under the cryptic Rule 485(a)(2). Curiously, the listing exchange and ticker were left as blank slates, perhaps an existential wink to the unpredictability of crypto markets. 🤷♂️
The fund, scheduled for a debut sometime between here and the next tea break, vows to pirouette gracefully across Ethereum, Solana, and Stellar. Though, don’t get your knickers in a twist-Galaxy won’t be throwing their whole blockchain brigade at once. Anchorage Digital has nobly volunteered to play custodian, probably because someone has to keep the crypto cookies from disappearing. 🍪
Curiously, Jumia did not unfurl any banners or issue proclamations of newfound glory, but rather, it basked in the warm glow cast by an unexpected and monumental raising of its price target from the smartly dressed financial establishments. The market, like a sun-baked field awaiting rain, embraced this change.
Over on Wall Street, they call it a “rotation.” Meanwhile, Main Street is yelling “Hey! Why is my sandwich now mortgage-worthy?” The DXY index, that infamous scoreboard of dollar muscles, is showing off one of the sharpest slides since someone said “Trust me, it’s fine” to the economy. Exporters are beaming like they just got free snacks; importers? Well, they’re recalculating faster than you can say “tariffs.”