Only $100 million stands between this platform and its “historic” milestone. How poetic that the final stretch coincides with Mayhem Mode-a digital circus where every token is a lion tamer, and the audience is holding the whip. 🦁🎪
Bitcoin-focused treasuries now languish at a 37% discount, Ethereum’s at 39%, and Solana’s a pitiful 59%-all while their underlying tokens merely gasped at 16%, 22%, and 28% declines. One might almost pity the poor souls who mistook this for a temporary blip rather than a full-blown existential crisis. “The market,” intones the report, “is undervaluing these companies,” as if the laws of economics had suddenly forgotten their own rules.
There’s a fresh reversal attempt on the chart, but let’s be honest, it’s about as reliable as a troll’s promise. It’s failed once already, and unless $3,170 finally cracks, it’ll fail again. Because, you know, why make things easy? 😅
Meanwhile, the bitcoin ETFs are crying into their digital pillows, hemorrhaging cash faster than a failed vampire hunter: a staggering $523 million vanished in one gloomy Tuesday, marking the worst day on record for BlackRock’s iShares Bitcoin Trust. Now that’s a proper purge-a blood oath to the gods of crypto despair. 🩸
Yes, dear reader, the very fund that had gorged itself on capital inflows like a glutton at a feast found itself fasting. CoinGecko, CoinMarketCap, and their ilk whispered the scandalous numbers: a hemorrhage unseen since the fund’s debut. Imagine the gasps! The clattering of keyboards! The existential dread of analysts who’d mistaken volatility for a permanent lover. 💸
In a proclamation worthy of a modern-day Nostradamus, Alex Svanevik, the Penguin Emperor of Nansen (🐦📊), decrees: Cardano shall tumble from the Pantheon of Top 20 cryptos by 2026. Why? “It’s a ghost chain,” he scoffs, “where users go to vanish, not to trade.” 🤪👻
MoneyHero and Coinbase are throwing a party, and 61% of Singapore’s finance-savvy investors are there, but they’re not there for the discounts-they’re there for the trust. 🏦✨
The crypto market, already nursing hangovers from its recent binges, now trembles like a marionette with a loose string. A crash? Why, of course! What else would one expect when Japan’s fiscal whims clash with Bitcoin’s fragile ego? 💸
So, this guy-Kunal Mehta, 45, California’s very own crypto Casanova-finally said, “Yeah, I did that,” in court. His crime? A multi-state, multi-million-dollar conspiracy that makes Ocean’s Eleven look like a kindergarten heist. According to the feds, this wasn’t just a one-man show-it was a full-blown criminal symphony, complete with hackers, burglars, and probably a guy who brought snacks. 🥨
Oh, what a delightful mess! The crypto crowd is scratching their heads (and possibly their wallets) over Brad Garlinghouse being dragged into a discussion about a new stablecoin contraption that’s backed by-wait for it-another stablecoin. How positively ridiculous! It’s like building a house on top of a house on top of a wobbly Jenga tower. Meanwhile, Ripple’s XRPL waltzes in with its elegant, protocol-level solutions-efficient paths, a built-in DEX, and asset routing smoother than a greased otter. But no, let’s complicate things with layers of centralised nonsense. Bravo, stablecoin architects. Bravo. 👏
