Native Markets, with its co-founder Max Fiege at the helm, has been anointed the guardian of the USDH ticker. A nine-day saga, replete with intrigue and high stakes, culminated in this victory. The startup, barely out of its cradle, now wields exclusive control over a stablecoin poised to funnel billions in liquidity. What hubris! What audacity!
Atkins, in his infinite wisdom, explained that the SEC isn’t in the business of scaring businesses senseless. Oh no, they’re all about compliance! The kind of compliance that makes you think, “Hmm, maybe I should’ve done that earlier.” It’s like when your mom tells you to clean your room… before she starts threatening to throw out your video games. In theory, this should make everything a bit more, dare we say it, “fair.” Or at least less of a chaotic, corporate battlefield where no one knows the rules until it’s too late.
Starting humbly above $880, our protagonist BNB has surged forth, outpacing even the grand lords Ethereum and Bitcoin themselves! It gracefully danced past $892 and then $920, as if to say, “Follow me, peasants!”
On the fateful Wednesday, the Fed shall wield its scalpel against the beast of rates for the first time in 2025, cloaking its decision in the garb of a “weak labor market,” as if the laborers themselves were not the true architects of this chaos. “Blame the workers!” cried the Kobeissi Letter, a prophet in a world of numbers.
Bitcoin [BTC], that sly fox, never fails to keep traders on their toes-like a cat with a mouse in its jaws. 🐱
Ethereum is like that reliable friend who always shows up-but never brings the fun. $6 million in daily revenue? Sure, fine. Flat performance last month? Yawn. But hey, BlackRock loves it, so I guess it’s the crypto equivalent of investing in beige wallpaper. Riveting.
Native Markets “won” – and I’m putting that in quotes because the whole process apparently reeked of backroom deals and disappointed hopefuls – and their founder, Max Fiege, is promising something called a “Hyperliquid Improvement Proposal” (HIP). It sounds impressively bureaucratic for a system designed to avoid banks. They’re also throwing in an ERC-20 token on Ethereum, just for kicks. Because why not add another layer of complexity?
Elon Musk, that modern-day alchemist, seeks to transmute the humble electric vehicle into a self-driving chariot of profit, while the crowd gasps at the magician’s sleight of hand. Ark Investment Management, ever the court jester, proclaims that 86% of Tesla’s earnings shall spring from robotaxis by 2029-a prophecy as flimsy as a paper crown.
Polkadot’s upcoming “3.0” iteration is less a facelift and more a full-scale renovation. The Join Accumulate Machine (JAM) upgrade, with its promise of multiplying computational power by a factor of ten, is the digital world’s answer to a Renaissance architect. No longer must developers endure the chaotic auctions of computing time; instead, they are offered a subscription model so refined it would make a 19th-century dandy envious. “A supercomputer on the blockchain,” as co-founder Gavin Wood so aptly puts it, is not a metaphor-it is a manifesto.
As the head honcho of Berkshire Hathaway, Buffett has demonstrated that this approach is, in fact, not just an eccentric hobby for a billionaire, but a business strategy that works. Over the last 59 years, he’s managed a compounded annual gain of around 20%, while the S&P 500-poor thing-has only managed to achieve a 10% annual gain over the same period. It’s like the tortoise outpacing the hare, except the tortoise has a vast array of shiny suits and the hare is covered in dust and regret.