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Brevis, the clever sort, figures out the heavy lifting off-chain and then waves its magic wand-zero-knowledge proofs-to verify the deeds right on the chain. All this while slashing costs faster than a fox in a henhouse and keeping everything so trustless even a saint would trust ’em. Trust me, it’s safer than Aunt Sally’s jam, and more private than a cat burglar in the night-hiding your positions and P&L better than a secret recipe.

It’s part of China’s tight grip on crypto madness-crack down on the wild west while still allowing a few slow-and-steady blockchain strolls. Because, you know, not all progress needs to be a rollercoaster, right?

Currently lingering just beneath the rather pedestrian figure of $3,400, ETH has caught the eye of Captain Faibik – quite a name, isn’t it? – who, with the dramatic flair one expects from a ‘Captain’ of anything, predicts a 30% rally. It seems the market, like a devoted admirer, is eager to believe.

So, Bitwise 10 Crypto Index Fund finally managed to become an ETF on the NYSE Arca. After all the SEC delays, honestly, I was starting to think it was going to stay a fund forever. Like, a really complicated, slightly stressful fund.

Just last month, a band of sneaky hackers crept in and snatched around 44.5 billion won ($31 million, more than many of us see in a lifetime’s piggy bank) in Solana-based assets. Talk about a “bad day at the office” for Upbit. So, they’re now doing what any sensible dragon would-double-locking, double-hiding, and basically turning their wallets into icy tombs.

The grand total value of all this… stuff… went up 3% to $3.2 trillion. Progress! Bitcoin itself, that granddaddy of digital scarcity, managed a respectable 2.3% gain, reaching the dizzying heights of $92,496. Ethereum, trying to keep up, notched a 6% increase to $3,312. Even Solana got in on the act, clambering 3.9% to $138 – which is good, if you happen to own Solana.

And what’s this? A new preferred-share structure, designed not for the faint-hearted, but for those with a penchant for Bitcoin and a wallet that’s not entirely empty. 🧙♂️

Despite U.S. spot XRP ETFs creeping ever closer to a $1 billion AUM milestone (wow, that sounds impressive, doesn’t it?), the asset continues to trade in the same narrow range. This leaves everyone wondering-can this prolonged snooze-fest of consolidation possibly be building up to something more? A larger move, perhaps? Or are we just stuck in the crypto equivalent of Groundhog Day? ⏳

Vitalik Buterin, that sage of blockchain sorcery, declared war on Ethereum’s neglected P2P layer-a realm long ignored while consensus and cryptoeconomics danced in the spotlight. “We’ve been chasing ghosts in the machine,” he sighed, “but now, at last, we’ve turned our gaze to the soil beneath the roots.” Developers, he claimed, had polished the shiny trinkets of consensus while the P2P layer rotted like a sun-bleached fence post. But fear not! The tide has turned, and the communication backbone of Ethereum now hums with the vigor of a freshly oiled tractor.