Tether, the crypto equivalent of a “I’m Not Like Other Stablecoins” Instagram post, has teamed up with the UN to make Africa’s crypto market safer. Because nothing says “trust us” like a global organization and a company that’s basically just a digital version of a piggy bank. 🤯 Interpol just found $260 million in crypto … Read more
one misstep, and the whole thing collapses. Fortunately, so far, the blocks haven’t slid.
Three such tokens, each a cipher in the generative AI edifice, demand your attention. Their names are etched in the annals of financial orthodoxy, yet their logic remains as opaque as the labyrinth itself. Proceed with caution. The path forward is not a road, but a filing cabinet of interlocking fates.
But wait, there’s more! VanEck’s wizards of finance also predict Bitcoin will settle up to 10% of global trade and cozy up to 2.5% of central bank reserves as the ultimate monetary hedge. Because, you know, who needs gold when you can have digital gold? 🏦✨
Michaël van de Poppe, our resident market oracle, has noted that Bitcoin’s recent escapade has triggered a new low on the 3-day MACD indicator. He grandly declared this drop “was heavier than the 2022 Luna crash, the 2020 COVID crash, or the 2018 bear market.” Well, one can only hope he was not speaking from experience!
Fast forward to today, and we find ourselves in a similar frenzy surrounding artificial intelligence (AI). Investors can’t help but compare the current euphoria to that bygone era, with the S&P 500 (^GSPC +0.01%) having enjoyed three consecutive years of double-digit gains. And let me tell you, folks, when you mix those numbers with a sprinkle of investor anxiety, you’ve got yourself a recipe for a potential market crash that could rival a three-ring circus gone wrong!
Cambodian authorities recently extradited billionaire Chen Zhi to China to face charges for a massive crypto scam. 🤝⚖️
According to the wise sages at CryptoQuant, our esteemed crypto exchanges-those temples of speculation-have witnessed a most dramatic exodus from futures contracts. Three years, they say! Three years since such disgrace! Binance leads this parade of despair with a loss of 1.53 million BTC, followed by Bybit’s 784,000 BTC, Gate’s 505,000 BTC, and OKX’s 395,000 BTC. Mon dieu!
Investors, ever the optimists, received further news of tariffs last week. The timing, however, is as poor as a man in a trench coat asking for directions to a brothel at midnight. The S&P 500, in its infinite wisdom, has flashed a warning not seen since the dot-com crash-a signal that, if heeded, might yet preserve one’s portfolio from the more enthusiastic flames of speculation.
The controversial pundit has reacted to the White House’s latest move to inject liquidity into the U.S. housing market. 🏠💰 (Because nothing says “I’m in charge” like a little mortgage magic.)