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Here’s the breakdown, because apparently, we all need a PowerPoint presentation to explain basic financial concepts.

I offer a dual solace. Firstly, the long game, as any seasoned player knows, is not a straight line but a series of undulating curves, a waltz between exuberance and retrenchment. Secondly, one can, with a degree of foresight, select those instruments – those companies – possessing a certain… resilience. A structural integrity that allows them to weather the storm, not unscathed, perhaps, but upright. And so, we turn our attention to Intuitive Surgical (ISRG +1.57%), a name that, while lacking the romantic resonance of, say, a vintage Bordeaux, possesses a certain… mechanical elegance.

Naturally, this has led to a surfeit of explanations involving artificial intelligence, quantum computing, and the ever-reliable promise of lower interest rates. (The idea that cutting the cost of borrowing will magically solve all economic woes is akin to believing that rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic will improve its seaworthiness.) Record share buybacks, a practice which essentially involves companies using their own money to inflate their stock price, have also been cited. (It’s a bit like a dog chasing its own tail, only with significantly more zeroes involved.)

Apparently, Druckenmiller, now handling his own money through Duquesne Family Office, did some shifting in the fourth quarter. Sold off Meta, bought Amazon. Amazon, the company that somehow manages to deliver me things I ordered three weeks ago, as if by magic. Or, more accurately, by a fleet of overworked drivers and an algorithm that’s probably judging my life choices. It’s up 210,000% since its IPO, which feels… excessive. Like a child who’s been given too much sugar.

Brian Bedell at Deutsche Bank and Gautam Chhugani at Bernstein – two names you’ll want to remember when the robots take over – are predicting Robinhood could hit $160 a share. That’s a 113% jump! And John Todaro at Needham and, again, that Chhugani fellow (a busy man, that one) are saying Circle could soar to $190. A whopping 206% upside! Now, I’ve seen more reliable predictions from a Magic 8-Ball, but let’s examine this, shall we?

AbbVie (ABBV 1.78%), a name weighty with the promise of pharmaceutical relief, ranks amongst the largest of its kind. Twelve remedies – or, as some might call them, profitable distractions from mortality – flow from its laboratories, alongside a host of lesser, yet still lucrative, elixirs. It is a kingdom built upon the ailments of man, and, as such, possesses a certain…stability.

The Shiller CAPE Ratio… a grotesque monument to investor hubris. Highest it’s been since the dot-com circus? Of COURSE it is. And Buffett’s indicator… 222%? The old man warned us. He said playing with fire was a mild description. He’s seen this movie before. We haven’t. Or, more accurately, we’ve forgotten it. And forgetting, my friends, is a dangerous habit when dealing with markets.

There was a narrative, readily embraced by those inclined towards skepticism, that Palantir’s future lay solely in its government contracts. That to truly flourish, it must cultivate a robust commercial enterprise. The introduction of the Artificial Intelligence Platform (AIP) has, undeniably, altered this calculus. It is a potent instrument, capable of harnessing the generative powers of AI, and demand has been, shall we say, spirited. Yet, it is a return to the source, a strengthening of ties with its governmental origins, that may prove to be the more enduring development.

First up: Coca-Cola. Honestly, it feels almost…safe. Like investing in oxygen. Everyone drinks it, or at least, someone somewhere is drinking it right now. They’ve been paying a dividend for 64 years. Sixty-four years! That’s…remarkable. It’s like they’ve mastered the art of not going bankrupt. Which, in the current economic climate, feels like a superpower. The yield is 2.59% right now, which isn’t going to make me a millionaire overnight, but it’s a start. And it’s gone up 46% in the last decade. Which, let’s be honest, is more than my savings account has managed.