On Dec. 18, Trump signed an executive order that felt like a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat-except the rabbit was a Schedule III classification. Let’s unpack this. The Controlled Substances Act, a medieval document if ever there was one, divides drugs into five categories. Schedule I? Think of it as the “I’m a monster” tier, reserved for substances with more potential for abuse than a toddler with a paintbrush.
In the world of DeFi, where protocols are supposed to be community-governed, Aave has become the latest stage for a drama that reads like a Shakespearean tragedy written by a LinkedIn post. Tensions between Aave Labs and the Aave DAO have escalated from a “frontend swap fee debate” to a full-blown governance meltdown, proving that decentralization is just a fancy word for “we’re all arguing about money.”
In a startling twist befitting a Bertie Wooster escapade, Bitcoin’s network has recently suffered a rather dramatic miner hashrate plummet, leading aficionados to speculate wildly about a potential dip in Bitcoin’s (BTC’s) price. The investment management wizards over at VanEck, in their latest magnum opus titled “Mid-December 2025 BTC ChainCheck,” suggest that when miners throw in the towel, it might just convey a cheeky little contrarian message to the long-term holders.
And let’s talk about that ETF demand-or should I say, the lack thereof. It’s drier than a Liz Lemon burn. 🔥 ETF data says, “Nope, not interested,” and both crypto bros and traditional finance folks are like, “Hard pass.” 🚫
Meanwhile, Dogecoin (DOGE), the meme coin that refuses to die, is looking a bit wobbly. 😵 After repeatedly banging its head against the $0.133 resistance wall, it’s now slinking back toward the $0.13 zone. The question on everyone’s mind: Can the bulls hold the line, or will the bears drag DOGE down to $0.125? Spoiler alert: nobody knows, but we’re all here for the drama. 🍿
He’s observed a rather alarming drop in the buy/sell pressure delta. Which, put simply, means far more people are shouting “SELL!” than “BUY!”. Which, shockingly, is what happens when people want to sell. It’s all very scientific, you know. Apparently, market orders are the ones actually doing anything, not those passive-aggressive limit orders just sitting there silently judging everyone.
This is no alchemy. Annaly’s mandate to surrender 90% of taxable income to shareholders is not charity-it is survival. The IRS, that unyielding overseer, demands it. And so, the REIT scours the earth for Agency mortgage-backed securities, non-agency mortgages, and servicing rights, leveraging its capital like a gambler in a storm. Fixed-rate returns, low-risk, but the dice are loaded. Still, it rolls them.
The grumblers on social media are having a field day, spewing more negativity than a sourpuss at a candy factory. 🍬😠 Santiment, the wise old owl of analytics, chirps that this grumbling is “far more” than usual. But hold your horses, dear readers! Could this be the universe’s way of saying, “Brace yourselves for a rocket launch!”? 🚀
The Hong Kong Insurance Authority, ever the architect of a new financial purgatory, has unveiled regulations that permit insurers to dabble in digital assets. Yet, the price of entry? A 100% risk premium, a cruel jest for those who dare to gamble with the unknown. 🧠💸
Trump Media & Technology Group, bless their ambitious little hearts, has decided that cryptocurrency is, well, possibly worth a look. Forty million dollars’ worth of a look, to be precise. Which, let’s be honest, is enough to buy a small country’s supply of tea and biscuits.☕
