In this grand theater of tickers and portfolios, where fortunes are spun like threads in some cosmic loom, we find three stocks that might yet amuse the ghost of Graham himself. They are not investments, dear reader, but rather tickets to a masquerade ball where reality and farce waltz cheek to cheek.
With the solemnity of a prophet, Michael Saylor, the company’s architect, declared the latest acquisition, a transaction that swelled their reserves by 10,645 BTC, each token a sapphire of value, costing $92,098, totaling a staggering $980.3 million. 🧠💸
In a joint operation that reads like a poorly scripted crime drama, Spanish and Danish police have nabbed members of a gang accused of kidnapping and murdering a man in Málaga, all for the sake of his precious digital coins. 🕵️♂️💰 The arrests were spurred by a complaint from a woman who recounted a harrowing attack in Mijas, Málaga.
In a filing to the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC), dated with the precision of a Swiss watch, Aristotle Capital Boston disclosed this partial divestiture during the tantalizingly tumultuous third quarter. Such an adjustment nudged their holdings down to 150,752 shares, now valued at a princely $44 million at the quarter’s close, thereby constituting a mere 2.3% of the fund’s reportable U.S. equity assets-a number as unspectacular as it is exact.
Behold the grand saga of Shiba Inu’s valuation-once a mere whisper at $0.0000000001684, now a slightly louder whisper at $0.000008439. Progress, or perhaps just the wind? Its all-time peak, a lofty $0.00008845, now seems as distant as a forgotten dream, with the token languishing some 85% below. This year alone, it has shed 55% of its fur, and over twelve cruel months, nearly 60%. One must wonder: has the tale that once sent SHIB soaring now been relegated to the realm of fireside ghost stories?
On December 14th, while common mortals were busy debating whether samosas should be triangular or conical, India’s financial watchdogs were conducting synchronized raids worthy of a flash mob – if flash mobs involved seizing lockers instead of dancing. The target? A cryptocurrency Ponzi scheme so elaborate it makes the plot of “Inception” look like a children’s pop-up book.
Beta – that cheeky little imp who measures your heartbeat compared to S&P’s – sneaks into VONG’s column, but IWO remains cryptic, as if plotting in hushed tones. Vanguard, with their meager 0.07% fee, sneaks past IWO with a sneaky fox’s grin. Yet IWO’s yield, though modest as a pocket watch filled with lint, asks the reader to whisper: Is this a Hobbit’s tea party or a dragon’s treasure toll?
On Dec. 2, 2025, a relic from bitcoin’s youth finally stirred onchain, as 50 BTC mined in March 2010 moved at block height 926087 between wallets for the first time in over 15 years. One might assume that with prices hitting six figures, these coins would at least yawn and stretch. Alas, they preferred the slow life.
The transaction, slated to close in early 2026 (if one can trust the patience of a snail in a race), will see Interop Labs’ staff and IP whisked away, while the Axelar Network, its foundation, and the AXL token remain as independent as a cat refusing to nap in a sunbeam. 🐾
Did the CFO foresee the meteoric rise, or was it merely a stroke of luck?
