ETFs & Existential Dread

I’ve been staring at the numbers for VWO and ACWX, and it’s all remarkably…beige. Both are, essentially, ways to avoid having to actually think about where your money is. VWO, the more focused of the two, dives headfirst into what they call “emerging markets.” Think China, Brazil, places where the economic forecast involves a lot of exclamation points and question marks. ACWX is the broader option, a sort of global buffet of non-U.S. stocks. It’s like ordering everything on the menu, hoping something will taste good. The expense ratio on VWO (0.07%) is almost suspiciously low, like they’re giving it away just to watch us worry. ACWX, at 0.32%, feels more honest – they’re admitting they’re taking a cut. The one-year returns? Both did pretty well, but honestly, everything did well last year. It feels like celebrating a good hair day during a hurricane.

Interactive Brokers: A Speculative Cartography

As of this writing – a fleeting moment in the infinite regression of time – the stock has advanced approximately 11% in the current cycle of the sun. This is, of course, merely a numerical coincidence, a glyph in a language we have yet to fully decipher. To assume it signifies invulnerability would be to fall prey to the very illusions the market delights in constructing.

Cryptocurrencies: Echoes of a Future Past

Now, as 2026 dawns, a strange luminescence flickers on the horizon. The currents of capital, restless and ancient, are shifting once more. The whispers among the traders speak of a resurgence, a possible reawakening of the fortunes lost in the previous cycle. It is not a certainty, of course. The future rarely adheres to the neat predictions of men, but certain constellations of factors suggest that a few digital assets may yet defy the gravity of disappointment. The market, after all, is a capricious god, and its favors are rarely bestowed upon the undeserving.

Tesla: A Chrome-Plated Conjecture

Tesla operates under a peculiar set of gravitational rules, a different calculus of communication. While most corporations adhere to the pedestrian mantra of “underpromise and overdeliver,” Tesla seems to prefer a more…impressionistic approach. Management, when issuing pronouncements, is held to account with a severity disproportionate to the infraction, as if forecasting the future were a binding contract. Investors, those meticulous lepidopterists of the market, judge the company not on what it achieves, but on the precise millimeter of deviation from its initial projections. A curious habit, wouldn’t you agree?

Dividend Stocks: A Modest Proposal

Dividend-paying equities, therefore, appeal. Particularly when coupled with a reinvestment scheme – a device which allows one to forget entirely about the transaction, save for the semi-annual arrival of a modest increment to one’s account. A rather civilized arrangement, wouldn’t you agree?

Vertiv: Cooling the Fever Dream

While the masses scramble for the next tech darling, I find myself drawn to Vertiv (VRT +0.76%). Not a glamorous name, I grant you. No sleek interfaces, no promises of disrupting entire industries. Just… cooling. And power. The unglamorous necessities that underpin the entire charade. It’s a bit like being a stagehand at a grand opera – nobody applauds, but without you, the prima donna would melt into a puddle of sequins and despair.

A Quantum Comedy: Two Ventures to Observe From Afar

Rigetti, that ambitious purveyor of full-stack quantum marvels, proclaims itself a pioneer. A bold claim, to be sure. Yet, upon closer inspection, one discovers a business remarkably adept at generating expectations, and less so at generating substantial revenue. It reminds one of a player upon the boards, delivering a stirring monologue while conspicuously lacking in coin.

Micron: The Quiet Engine of the AI Boom

The stock’s had a run, of course. Up something like 260% in the last year. Which makes you nervous. It always does. It feels…unsustainable. But what I’m starting to suspect is that this isn’t just hype. It’s actual, fundamental demand. Micron specializes in something called High-Bandwidth Memory – HBM. Sounds like a particularly aggressive radio station. But it’s essential for AI. Think of it as the short-term memory for these digital brains. And apparently, they can’t get enough of it. They’re sold out through 2026. Which, in the tech world, is practically an eternity.

Palantir: Is This Thing Even Worth It?

The stock jumped 1700% since the IPO. 1700%! That’s… a lot. It’s practically begging for a correction, isn’t it? You see that kind of run-up, you just know something’s going to give. And these analysts… they’re all talking about “multibagger growth.” Multibagger. It’s like they’re trying to invent new words just to justify the hype. I mean, can’t they just say “good growth” anymore? Is that too simple?