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The problem isn’t necessarily the technology itself—though I’m sure there are plenty of technical hurdles. It’s the presentation. All these venture capitalists throwing money at it, talking about “disrupting” everything. Disrupting what, exactly? My morning coffee? And then they expect returns. It’s just…rude. It’s like inviting yourself over for dinner and then demanding the best cut of meat.

Enter Ford Motor Company (F 1.52%). They’re not reinventing the wheel, but they are handing out a dividend yield of around 4.2%. Which, in this economy, is basically them throwing money at you and saying, “Here, take this. Just… don’t ask too many questions.” As a trader, I appreciate directness. It’s refreshing.

The source of this minor financial perturbation? A downgrade from Bank of America Securities’ Daria Nasledysheva. She’s shifted her recommendation from ‘buy’ to ‘neutral,’ which, in market parlance, is a bit like saying you’re no longer actively encouraging someone to jump into a perfectly good swimming pool. She also nudged the price target down slightly, from $11.50 to $11.20. A mere $0.30, you might think. But consider the sheer scale of the universe. That $0.30 represents a significant fraction of all the money that has ever existed, or will ever exist, when you factor in inflation and the inevitable heat death of everything. (Don’t worry about that last bit.)

There are reasons, of course. Always reasons. Investors, those skittish creatures, have started to lose faith. It’s not a sudden panic, more of a quiet exodus. They’re selling, not shouting. They’re deciding their money might be better spent on something…less likely to be totaled. Which, when you think about it, is everything.

Miss Kristen Owen of Oppenheimer, a name likely unfamiliar to those outside the agricultural commodity circles, has revised her assessment of Mosaic downwards. From ‘outperform’ – a term one suspects is liberally applied – she now deems it merely ‘perform’. The removal of a $35 price target, while not catastrophic, is akin to withdrawing a complimentary napkin at a particularly dismal luncheon.

And what do we crave from these sullen minerals? Not beauty, not solace, but the cold, humming power of modernity. Our glowing rectangles, our weapons of distant destruction, all dependent on the unwilling gifts of the earth. It is a Faustian bargain, naturally. A trade of environmental degradation and human suffering for the illusion of progress. China, with its characteristic…pragmatism, has long understood this equation. They have borne the cost, the moral weight, with a chilling efficiency.

The only real excitement, if one can call it that, came from the rather unexpected enthusiasm for space ventures. AST SpaceMobile, having secured a government contract – one assumes involving something terribly important and probably expensive – soared 14.29%. Firefly Aerospace, buoyed by an analyst’s upgrade, managed a respectable 12.30% gain. And Novo Nordisk, thanks to a regulatory nod for its weight loss treatment in the U.K., jumped 8.95%. One begins to suspect the entire market is looking for an escape route.

The broader markets, however, displayed a restraint most commendable. The S&P 500 dipped a fraction, and the Nasdaq Composite followed suit, as if to murmur, “Let us observe this spectacle with a judicious eye.” Mara Holdings and Hut 8, fellow adventurers in this digital realm, enjoyed a modest ascent, proving that even in folly, there is a degree of camaraderie. One wonders, though, if their gains are rooted in genuine prosperity or merely a shared delusion.

Revenue, it appears, reached a record high, a statistic which, while impressive, says little about the underlying health of the patient. Net interest and fees also enjoyed a similar flourish, amounting to $6.1 billion for the quarter – a 3% increase, year on year. The net interest income itself was a respectable $3.7 billion, improved by 2%. One assumes this is all perfectly legal.