So, IonQ (IONQ +20.24%). Twenty percent! Can you believe it? After they reported earnings. Earnings! Like they actually made something. Sixty-one point nine million dollars. Okay, fine. But it’s not about the money, it’s about the principle. They’re quantum computing. It sounds impressive. And people are throwing money at it. It’s infuriating. Like, what are they even doing with all this quantum-ness? It’s just… complicated. And that’s what everyone seems to be ignoring.
They lost money, of course. They always lose money. Adjusted net loss. “Adjusted.” What does that even mean? It’s like saying, “I only mostly forgot your birthday.” It’s still forgetting! It was $0.20 a share. They say it beat expectations. Expectations! What are these people expecting? A profit? In quantum computing? It’s absurd. And then the EBITDA…negative $186.8 million. Negative! It’s like they’re actively trying to lose money. It’s a performance art piece disguised as a business.
Why is Everyone So Excited About This, Exactly?
Alright, so they explain it with qubits. Qubits versus bits. Like I’m supposed to understand the difference. Apparently, qubits can be both zero and one at the same time. It’s like saying you’re both happy and sad simultaneously. It’s unsettling. They say it’s faster. Faster at what? And then they admit it’s bigger, more expensive, uses more power, and makes more errors. So, it’s faster, but worse? It’s like upgrading from a horse to a rocket that occasionally crashes. It’s not progress, it’s a gamble.
They’re using lasers to trap ions. Ions! It sounds like something you’d get at a science fair, not a multi-billion dollar company. And it’s room temperature, which is good, I guess. But then they have to brag that it’s better than systems that need “cryogenic refrigeration.” Like everyone has cryogenic refrigeration lying around. It’s just… unnecessary detail. They sell these systems—Aria, Forte, Forte Enterprise, Tempo. It’s a whole alphabet soup of expensive toys. And they sell it as a cloud service, because of course they do. Everything is a subscription now. It’s exhausting.
Should You Buy This Stock? Seriously?
They’re predicting revenue will go up 73-88% in 2026. Okay, fine. But then they admit the EBITDA will be even more negative. Negative $310 to $330 million! It’s a vicious cycle. And the enterprise value is $9.78 billion. Forty-two times sales! Forty-two! That’s like paying for a cup of coffee with a small mortgage. It’s preposterous. They say it’s justified because of the “potential.” Potential! That’s what they always say. It’s the refuge of the financially irresponsible.
They need to “stabilize their margins.” That’s code for “we have no idea how to make money.” They need to prove their business model is “sustainable.” That’s code for “we’re currently operating on fumes and wishful thinking.” It’s a speculative play, they say. “Nibbling” on the stock. Like it’s a biscotti. I wouldn’t touch it with a ten-foot pole. Unless, of course, they can explain to me, in plain English, what they’re actually doing with all those qubits. And until then, it’s just… complicated. And frankly, I have better things to worry about.
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2026-02-26 21:12