IonQ? Fuggedaboutit!

Alright, settle in, folks. We’re talkin’ quantum computin’. Sounds impressive, right? Like somethin’ out of a sci-fi flick where a guy builds a time machine out of a toaster and a rubber chicken. And there’s been a lotta buzz, a lotta hype, a lotta folks throwin’ money at companies promisin’ the moon. McKinsey says this could be a $100 billion market by 2035. 2035! I’ll be wearin’ a diaper by then, and frankly, a $100 billion market won’t even cover the cost of Depends!

Now, IonQ… they’ve had a run. 550% over three years! Oy vey! That’s… something. But let’s not confuse a flash in the pan with a solid investment. This ain’t the stock market; it’s a vaudeville show! They’re losin’ money faster than I lose my patience with slow walkers, and quantum computin’ itself is still years away from actually makin’ a buck. Years! That’s an eternity in the stock market. It’s like waitin’ for Godot, but with more silicon.

So, what do we do? Do we chase the sparkly unicorn? Nah. We get sensible. We look for companies that actually, you know, make money. And that, my friends, brings us to two stocks that won’t leave you cryin’ into your borscht.

Micron: The Memory Mogul (With a Profit!)

Let me tell ya about Micron Technology (MU +1.77%). These guys make memory processors. Sounds boring, right? Like watchin’ paint dry? But hold on! These processors are the backbone of everything! Data centers, artificial intelligence… the whole shebang! It’s like the plumbing of the digital world. And believe me, you don’t wanna think about what happens when the plumbing breaks.

Their revenue is up 56% to $13.4 billion, and earnings are poppin’ like a champagne bottle. They’re sellin’ everything they can make, and they’re already booked solid for 2026. 2026! They’re spendin’ $200 billion to build new factories, which sounds crazy, but consider this: Meta, Amazon, Alphabet, and Microsoft are droppin’ a combined $650 billion this year on data centers. It’s a gold rush, folks, a digital gold rush, and Micron is sellin’ the shovels!

And the best part? The stock is reasonably priced. A P/E ratio of 24? That’s practically a steal in this market. It’s like findin’ a ten-dollar bill in an old coat. A real bargain!

Nvidia: Still the King of the AI Hill (Don’t Laugh!)

Now, Nvidia (NVDA +2.03%). Everybody knows Nvidia. They make those fancy graphics cards, right? But they’re much more than that. They’re the brains behind the artificial intelligence boom. They control 86% of the AI GPU market. 86%! That’s like havin’ a monopoly on… well, on everything!

Their data center sales are up 67% to $51 billion. 67%! They’re makin’ money hand over fist. And why? Because everybody needs AI processors. It’s like a fever, folks, a digital fever, and Nvidia is sellin’ the thermometers!

Some folks say it’s too late to buy Nvidia stock. That the ship has sailed. But I say, baloney! We’re still in the early stages of artificial intelligence. Even when the AI bubble eventually bursts, the need for advanced processors will remain. And with the world’s largest tech companies fightin’ for AI dominance, Nvidia is poised to benefit for years to come. It’s like watchin’ a heavyweight fight, and Nvidia is the champ! And the ref is lookin’ the other way.

So, there you have it. Two solid stocks that won’t leave you singin’ the blues. Forget IonQ. It’s a gamble. These are investments. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go take a nap. All this stock talk is exhausting. And remember: invest responsibly. And don’t bet the farm. Unless you have a really good farm.

2026-02-25 21:52

Micron: The Memory Mogul (With a Profit!)

Nvidia: Still the King of the AI Hill (Don’t Laugh!)

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