Value Stocks: Seriously?

Okay, so everyone’s chasing artificial intelligence now. AI. Like that’s going to solve anything. Meanwhile, these value stocks? They’re just sitting there, being…value-y. It’s infuriating. Everyone runs for the shiny object, and these perfectly decent companies are left holding the bag. The bag! And they actually pay dividends. Dividends! It’s like they’re trying to be responsible, and in this climate, that’s practically a crime. But fine, let’s look at them. Because apparently, someone has to.

The whole premise is…risky. You buy something cheap, hoping it doesn’t get cheaper. It’s like buying a slightly bruised apple. You save 30 cents, but then you’re stuck with a bruised apple. And everyone pretends they’re doing you a favor. “Oh, it’s still good!” No, it’s not. It’s a bruised apple. Anyway, Comcast, Altria, PayPal… let’s just get this over with.

Comcast: A Cable Company? Really?

Comcast. Cable. Internet. It’s… functional. It just works. Which, in today’s world, is practically revolutionary. They’re trading at a reasonable multiple, which is suspicious. Everyone wants growth, growth, growth. But what about…stability? Is that too much to ask? They spun off Versant Media, which is fine, I guess. More channels I’ll never watch. And now there’s talk of a merger with Paramount? It’s all very…complicated. Like they’re trying to make up for something. And the fact that people are speculating about it…it’s just… unnecessary noise. But they’re paying a dividend, so… fine. I’ll allow it.

Altria: Cigarettes. Seriously?

Altria. Cigarettes. Look, I get it. People smoke. It’s…a choice. A bad choice, but a choice. And this company is making money off of it. A lot of money. And they’re returning it to shareholders. Which is…efficient. It’s also…morally ambiguous. But let’s not get into that. They’re outperforming the S&P 500? Of course they are. People need their nicotine. It’s a basic human drive. And they’re trying to diversify into…non-cigarette tobacco products? Like that’s going to solve anything. It’s just a different way to deliver the same…problem. But the dividend yield is…respectable. Fine. I’m begrudgingly impressed.

PayPal: What Happened Here?

PayPal. Remember when everyone was excited about PayPal? Now it’s just…sad. They can’t seem to get it together. New CEO, old CEO, it doesn’t matter. It’s just…a mess. And the valuation? Less than 8 times earnings? That’s…concerning. It’s like they’re begging for a buyout. And that’s what people are hoping for, aren’t they? A quick fix. A premium price. It’s all so…transactional. And the fact that they’re even considering “strategic alternatives”…it’s just admitting defeat. But hey, maybe someone will swoop in and save them. Or maybe they’ll just…fade away. It’s really a toss-up. And the dividend? Don’t even get me started. It’s…insultingly low.

So there you have it. Value stocks. They’re…fine. They’re not exciting. They’re not glamorous. But they pay dividends. And in this crazy world, sometimes that’s enough. Although, frankly, it should be more than enough. It just…should.

2026-02-23 22:24

Comcast: A Cable Company? Really?

Altria: Cigarettes. Seriously?

PayPal: What Happened Here?

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