The Winklevoss Wobble: A Tale of Crypto Calamity and Corporate Chop-Chop

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Bloomberg reports crypto exchange Gemini is now a leaner, meaner, and slightly less employable version of itself. Strategic pivots? Yes. Bloodletting? Also yes.

Oh dear, oh dear… our dear old friend Gemini has decided to thin its ranks like a gardener pruning dead roses. With the crypto market in a slump more dramatic than a toddler’s tantrum, the platform has opted for a “restructuring” that sounds suspiciously like a fancy word for “panic.” According to Bloomberg, the goal is to stabilize operations and keep expenses from spiraling into the stratosphere-though it’s unclear if the expenses themselves are plotting rebellion.

Gemini’s Midlife Crisis: Market Slump Edition

Founded by the Winklevoss twins, Gemini once wore a cape made of regulatory compliance. It survived industry crises like a superhero with a caffeine addiction. But now, it’s trading capes for brooms, sweeping up the ashes of a 25% staff cut and fleeing the UK, EU, and Australia like they’re haunted by crypto ghosts. Meanwhile, its stock price has plummeted more dramatically than a Bitcoin holder’s optimism during tax season.

Gemini, it seems, is now a phoenix… but the ashes are still smoldering. Bloomberg says the company’s revenue growth is lagging expenses so badly it might start charging customers to breathe. Instead of trading digital assets, it’s now betting on custody services and prediction markets-because nothing says “stability” like asking people to predict the future.

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In February 2026, Gemini axed 25% of its global workforce, leaving 200 employees to wonder if their exit interview was a Zoom call. Its valuation, once worth more than a small island nation, has shrunk like a balloon in a snowstorm since 2025. Bloomberg helpfully notes this is “Gemini 2.0”-a rebrand that might include a new logo: a sad cat wearing a tie.

Related Reading: Investors React as Gemini Restructures Leadership Team | Live Bitcoin News

As part of its grand plan, Gemini is ditching the UK, EU, and Australia to focus on the US and Singapore. Because nothing says “global ambition” like retreating to two countries and hoping for the best. The company also expects to write off $11M in restructuring costs-enough to buy a private island where it can hide from bad press.

Expenses for 2025? A 70% increase. Net revenue? A paltry 17% rise. It’s a financial tightrope walk where the safety net is made of “hope” and “optimism.”

In late February 2026, Gemini’s leadership team staged a mass exodus. COO Marshall Beard, CFO Dan Chen, and Tyler Meade left so quickly, they probably forgot their coffee mugs. Leadership changes, they said, are “part of the transition.” Or, as one insider put it, “musical chairs with higher stakes.”

Gemini’s New Game Plan: Custody and Fortune-Telling

Gemini now claims it’s focusing on institutional custody services-basically, being a digital vault for rich people’s crypto. Custody revenue is “stable,” they say. Sure, because nothing’s more stable than trusting a company that just fired 25% of its staff to hold your life savings.

Also, Gemini is launching prediction markets, where users can bet on events like “Will the crypto market ever recover?” or “Will Gemini survive another year?” It’s a clever way to monetize despair, really.

Of course, Bitcoin’s 40% drop in price isn’t helping. Bloomberg says it’s like a party where everyone forgot to bring confetti-just a lot of sad faces and falling balloons.

Gemini insists it’s still committed to compliance and security. They even used words like “strictly” and “constantly.” But when your valuation drops 80%, “strict compliance” starts sounding like an excuse for poor math.

The restructuring is proof that the crypto industry moves faster than a toddler on a sugar rush. Companies must now juggle innovation, profitability, and expense discipline like a circus act performed on a tightrope over lava.

Investors are now watching Gemini’s custody services and prediction markets like hawks. If these segments take off, maybe the company will survive. If not, it’ll join the long list of crypto casualties who promised the moon but delivered a flat tire.

Gemini’s leadership, however, remains optimistic. They’re investing in infrastructure and compliance systems-though it’s unclear if these are for their customers or just to appease the press.

Bloomberg warns that Gemini’s transition has little room for error. Recovery depends on crypto prices stabilizing and institutions suddenly trusting them again. It’s a high-stakes game of chess where the pieces are made of dollar bills and hope.

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2026-02-23 18:08