The Great Five9 Fiasco and Scalar’s Greedy Exit

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In a letter to the SEC (a document one might imagine written with a quill dipped in lemon juice), Scalar Gauge revealed it had sold every last crumb of its 399,717 shares in Five9 during the third quarter. The total value? A tidy sum calculated with the precision of a clockwork spider: $10.6 million, using the average price as a polite excuse to avoid specifics.

FTX’s Bankman-Fried: A Second Circuit Chance or Sixth-Form Calamity?

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On November 4th, with the solemnity of a Garkane affair, both the prosecution and defense will have their ten minutes to charm the judges. The appellants hope for a jamboree they could call “A Retrial with a New Judge, if We’re Lucky”. The defense maintains that Judge Kaplan, with a hand possibly too heavy on skepticism, sowed seeds of uncertainty during the trial’s proceedings.

Technology ETFs: A Dance Between Stability and Volatility

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Let’s talk numbers, because what else really matters in this world, right? The Technology Select Sector SPDR Fund is, to be blunt, your old faithful friend. It’s got a low expense ratio of 0.08%, a track record stretching back nearly 30 years, and, yes, a collection of tech stocks like Nvidia and Apple, which seem to have been around since the dawn of time. But this isn’t a place for exciting new ventures. This fund tracks the S&P 500 tech sector, and with it, the stability of a phone number you’ve had for decades.

Crypto Crime: They\’re Getting Smarter 😅

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One hears these pronouncements from Europol, you know? Another alarm raised about these…cryptocurrencies. As if life weren’t dreary enough, now even criminals require modernizing. Apparently, their methods are becoming “complex” and “organized.” Oh, the indignity! It stretches the police resources, they say. As if those weren’t stretched thin already, chasing after pickpockets and runaway husbands. 🙄

The Fund’s 2031 Bet: A Tale of Ambition

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The fund, newly minted in the portfolio of Carmel, accounted for 1.9% of its $237.2 million in assets. A modest fraction, yet one that carried the weight of a decision made in the quiet hours of a market that rarely whispers its truths.

Crypto ETFs: The Show Must Go On! 🚀

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October was supposed to be the month when long-awaited crypto exchange-traded funds (ETFs) finally hit U.S. markets 🎉. Deadlines for the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) to approve or deny several spot crypto ETF applications were lined up throughout the month 📅. But when the U.S. government shut down, the process froze ❄️ – and deadlines stopped mattering 🙅‍♂️.

XRP\’s Secret? It\’s Not What You Think 🤯

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A certain Herr DonAlt – a gentleman of some repute within the rather boisterous world of digital speculation – has once more graced us with his observations. It concerns XRP, you see, and why it seems to be faring rather better than its more…flighty brethren in these trying times. One almost feels a touch of pity for the others, dashed about by every passing fancy.