With the solemn gravity of a man who once tried to explain compound interest to a goat (true story, probably), he proclaimed: “To school, O youth, for job security? Ha! You might as well pray to a vending machine.” 🙃
Now, as we knock on the door of 2026, investors and gawkers alike are left wondering: will this be the year Virgin Galactic turns a profit? I hate to break it to you, but the answer is likely “no.” And while I’d love to wax poetic on the metaphorical meaning of space travel, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty.
Like a mischievous little rascal, Bitcoin decided to take a leap while the global markets were taking a long, leisurely nap. 💤 It’s like it found a secret door to the land of crypto where only it could play!
To discern which might suit the discerning investor, we must examine their cost, diversification, sector leanings, and risk profiles, for even in the world of finance, the smallest distinctions can hold great significance.
Upon a fine December morning in the year 2024, CryptoOnChain, always one to spin a delightful yarn, announced a curious shift among Ethereum’s loyalists. From a rather modest net inflow, a sum no less than £960 million found its way to Binance, an exchange of much renown. This change is all the more striking, given the precedents that saw the asset withdraw favor since July of 2025.
Behold, the exchange deposits spike! More SHIB floods onto exchanges than flees them, a dance of liquidity that tilts the market into sellers’ hands. Sellers, those grinning ghouls in tailored suits! Tokens parked on exchanges? A liquid supply, yes-but not for the faint-hearted. No, these coins are not for long-term love; they’re for hedging, selling, or collateralizing like a drunken bet. And lo! The imbalance is etched into the price action, as plain as a beggar’s pockets. 🎭📉
For the investor, the stock market’s performance has long been a rite of passage, a cycle of ascent and descent that has persisted with the reliability of a clockwork mechanism. Over the past century, equities have outpaced all other asset classes, their returns a steady stream of gold poured into the coffers of those who dared to participate. But even the most steadfast observer might now feel the weight of an unspoken dread, as if the market’s current euphoria were a mirage, a fleeting illusion before the curtain of reality descends.
In a recent X post, Ethereum co-founder Vitalik Buterin announced that Ethereum is undergoing a transformation-not just in speed, but in its very soul. PeerDAS has hit the mainnet, and ZK-EVMs have reached performance levels worthy of a Broadway show, even if they’re still in rehearsal. 🎬
Ripple divulged, with all the subtlety of Proust’s memories, that the venerable David Schwartz, whose tenure outlasted several of our era’s bitcoins, has indeed retired to a less quotidian pastime. As of the end of December 2025, his work-life metamorphosis led him to adopt the appellation CTO Emeritus.
The 1-year price performance, calculated to the day of Mr. Schingler’s sale, reads like a fever chart of speculative excess.