🤯 Tether’s Bitcoin Bonanza: How They Snagged a Heap of Crypto! 🤖
Just so you know, here are the delightful titbits:
BTC’s New Year Gambit: Will History Repeat Itself? 🎰💰
Joao Wedson, Alphractal’s oracle of numbers, claims BTC’s calendar is scribbled with bullish secrets. “The New Year,” he sighs, “is a stubborn optimist.” After all, only thrice in BTC’s history has January’s opening week ended in tears. A 66% chance of gains, you say? Perhaps the market’s learned to tip its hat to tradition-or maybe it’s just too exhausted to argue. 😌
Why the Russell 2000 ETF Might Just Be the Market’s Hidden Gem
But hold the tears! If you peer beneath the gleaming surface, you’ll see that most stocks are not the lunatic inflated balloons they appear to be. Just a handful of tech giants-those greedy goblins gobbling up AI profits-are skewing the S&P’s valuation straight to the moon. Remove those monsters from the equation, and suddenly the index looks more Victorian modest-more in line with what sane folks would call “normal.” Meanwhile, the rest of the market-more sensible and less obsessed with robots-hides quietly below its long-term average, like a shy child hiding behind the curtains. That makes investments in the underdog ETFs, like the Vanguard S&P Small-Cap 600 ETF (VIOO 1.15%) or the Vanguard Russell 2000 ETF (VTWO 0.71%), whisper sweet promises of opportunity with a mischievous twinkle.
XRP $100: A Liquidity Event or a Mirage? 🎩💰
Enter Bayberry Capital, those sages of the crypto realm, who declare that $100 is not a price target but a “liquidity event number.” A clever ruse, no? For what is a price target but a mirage? 🌀
Man Who Once Tamed Bitcoin Futures Returns to Save Us All (Again) 🚀🐮
Yes, the CFTC-yes, that alphabet soup agency that somehow regulates everything from pork belly futures to the very fabric of digital reality-has once again summoned Amir Zaidi from the corporate wilderness. This time, as Chief of Staff. Presumably, a chair with more responsibilities than the last one. Or possibly just better coffee.
Cuban’s Crypto Lawsuit: A Shocking Twist! 🤯
A U.S. federal judge, with the wisdom of a thousand grumpy old men, dismissed a crypto investor lawsuit against Mark Cuban and the Mavericks. Why? Because the defendants weren’t “found” in Florida. It’s like trying to sue a ghost for stealing your candy. 🧛♂️
🇷🇺💰 Sberbank Goes Crypto-Crazy: Bitcoin Loans & Digital Rubles, Oh My!
In this pilot deal (because, let’s be real, they’re still figuring out if this is a genius move or a financial faceplant), Intelion pledged their freshly mined crypto as collateral. It’s like saying, “Here, hold my Bitcoin while I do a backflip into the future of finance.” 🌪️✨
🚀 Strategy’s Insane Bitcoin Hoarding as RWAs Soar to $19B! 💎 #BullMarketMadhouse
Amidst Bitcoin’s 4% December nose-dive (👑 ugh, another forehead kiss for HODLers!), Michael Saylor’s investment circus, Strategy, continued its frenzied Bitcoin accumulation. One might mistake it for a madman shoveling diamonds into a cryptic vault. 💣
Solana’s Price Secret: Traders Are Going NUTS!
But then, just when you thought you could finally relax, the 10/10 crash hit like a bad ex. SOL dropped below $200, and now it’s a bear’s playground. 🐻❄️
They Laughed at Bitcoin – Then Tether Bought 9,000 of Them 😱💸
Yes, dear reader, while honest citizens were weeping over their crypto portfolios and questioning the existence of free will, Tether was calmly expanding its Bitcoin hoard like a paranoid squirrel with a billion-dollar inheritance. Close to nine thousand Bitcoin-no, not a typo, not a hallucination, though given the price swings, one could be forgiven for thinking so.