Kraken Takes a Dive into Trump Accounts: Babies in Wyoming to Get Crypto Cradles!

by

In a plot twist that could only be conceived in the chaotic realm of financial whimsy, crypto exchange Kraken has proclaimed its unyielding support for President Donald Trump’s rather audacious “Trump Accounts” initiative, as if the mere mention of “Wyoming” wasn’t enough to make one raise an eyebrow.

  • Kraken has promised to sponsor Trump Accounts for every newborn in Wyoming in the grand year of 2026. Yes, you heard right-every child, like little economic wizards in training.
  • The program bestows upon eligible U.S. infants a one-time Treasury contribution, which is then lovingly tucked away in market index funds, like a piggy bank that dreams of Wall Street.
  • Wyoming Senator Cynthia Lummis, presumably wearing a cowboy hat made of optimism, has welcomed this move with open arms and perhaps a lasso or two.

According to the official announcement-presumably delivered by a raven or a very enthusiastic email-Kraken will indeed sponsor these Trump Accounts for every new tiny human entering the world in Wyoming come 2026. A financial contribution will be made to each eligible account, all thanks to the powers that be in federal bureaucracy. How delightful!

For those who’ve been living under a rock-or perhaps in a remote cave-Trump Accounts are shiny new tax-advantaged retirement accounts. They allow parents or legal guardians to invest in their offspring’s future, which sounds suspiciously like every parent’s dream: to fund their child’s escape from the family home.

Under a federal pilot program that seems to have been dreamt up during a particularly ambitious lunch meeting, every U.S. newborn born between the dates of January 1, 2025, and December 31, 2028, will receive a one-time $1,000 seed contribution from the U.S. Treasury. Think of it as a gift from Uncle Sam, who, unlike most uncles, is actually quite keen on investments.

“By seeding accounts for every newborn in 2026, we are backing families from day one and reinforcing Wyoming’s role as America’s home for responsible crypto leadership,” Kraken Co-CEO Arjun Sethi declared, likely while standing atop a mountain of digital coins and good intentions.

Pro-crypto Wyoming Senator Cynthia Lummis was practically glowing with enthusiasm, praising Kraken’s decision to sponsor Trump Accounts, adding that this investment “will ensure children in Wyoming have a financial head start,” which is certainly better than a financial faceplant.

“I’m grateful to Kraken for their commitment to Wyoming’s next generation and to the Cowboy State’s economic future,” she continued, possibly envisioning little cowpokes trotting off into the sunset with their crypto-laden futures.

Now, while Kraken has been rather coy about the exact amount it will contribute to this initiative, they did mention that their decision was driven by Wyoming’s regulatory climate, where it apparently felt like a warm welcome, akin to being wrapped in a cozy blanket made of favorable laws.

“We picked Wyoming as our global HQ because it leads with thoughtful, responsible crypto policy,” co-CEO Dave Ripley announced in an X post, as if he were unveiling the latest innovative gadget at a tech expo.

Kraken isn’t flying solo in this venture; it joins Coinbase and a cavalcade of other financial giants like JPMorgan Chase, who have publicly thrown their hats (and wallets) into the ring for the Trump Accounts initiative, creating a veritable jamboree of fiscal fancy.

In an equally heartwarming gesture, crypto-based prediction platform Polymarket opened a temporary free grocery store in New York City, offering food assistance and pledging millions of meals to local residents, proving that sometimes, you can indeed buy goodwill with groceries.

Read More

2026-02-17 11:38