Chewy: A Millionaire’s Wet Nose?

Okay, look. The market’s a goddamn zoo. A swirling vortex of hope and despair, fueled by caffeine and bad decisions. And right now, I’m staring down the barrel of a particularly twitchy opportunity: Chewy. (CHWY 0.25%). Twenty-four bucks and change a share. Sounds…reasonable. Relatively. Like a small price to pay for potential canine-induced financial liberation. Or a swift kick in the teeth. It’s always one or the other, isn’t it?

The numbers, as they stand, are…unsettling. A recent tumble. A three-year slide. Five years of…well, let’s just say it hasn’t been a rocket ship. See for yourself:

Time Period Average Annual Return
Past 1 year (35.31%)
Past 3 years (18.64%)
Past 5 years (27.19%)

Yikes is right. But here’s the thing: we’re not looking in the rearview mirror, are we? We’re hurtling forward, fueled by the delusion that we can predict the future. And Chewy…Chewy might just be a piece of that glorious, chaotic puzzle. A long shot, maybe. But isn’t that where all the good stories come from? The ones where you bet everything on a whim?

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Let’s talk about the long game. The kind of game where you’re sipping Mai Tais on a yacht while the rest of the world scrambles for scraps. Here’s the breakdown, the cold, hard numbers that might just justify the madness:

Growing at 8% For $12,000 Invested Annually
5 years $70,399
10 years $173,839
15 years $325,825
20 years $549,144
25 years $877,271
30 years $1,359,399
35 years $2,067,802
40 years $3,108,678

Here’s the skinny on Chewy. Why this particular beast might be worth chasing: They’re growing. A solid 8.3% year-over-year revenue bump. And that Autoship service? GENIUS. 84% of their revenue is on autopilot. That’s not just a business, that’s a goddamn subscription to happiness. And people are spending more per pet. More! As if one squeaky toy wasn’t enough.

  • It’s growing: Its third-quarter results featured revenue up 8.3% year over year and gross profit margins rising by half a percentage point.
  • It’s finding great success with its Autoship service, which results in fairly reliable revenue and recently accounted for a whopping 84% of revenue!
  • Net sales per active customer have been inching up in recent years.
  • Its stock seems reasonably priced, too, with a recent forward-looking price-to-earnings (P/E) ratio of 24 well below its five-year average of 73, and a recent price-to-sales ratio of 0.82, well below its five-year average of 1.35.

Look, Amazon and Walmart are breathing down their necks. Of course they are. It’s a jungle out there. But Chewy has something they don’t: Loyalty. People love this company. They send handwritten cards to grieving pet owners. HANDWRITTEN CARDS! That’s not capitalism, that’s…well, it’s unsettling, but effective.

Don’t expect Chewy to single-handedly fund your retirement. This isn’t a guaranteed ticket to paradise. But it could be a piece of the puzzle. A calculated risk. A wild, desperate gamble in a world that’s already lost its mind. And frankly, isn’t that what investing is all about?

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2026-02-17 05:12