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As of Sunday, Bitcoin was sittin’ at a cool $101,900-hardly what you’d call a bargain after peekin’ at a high of over $126,300. Its market cap has shrunk to a mere $2 trillion-just enough to buy a few yacht loads of fancy bourbon. 🥃

Binance, the big kahuna of crypto exchanges, dropped a monthly report that reads like a detective novel-except the detective is confused, and the killer is still at large. Analysts have been squinting at their screens, trying to spot trends that started gaining steam in November. Spoiler: it’s not just memes and magic internet money.

Apparently, $1.28 billion vanished from US Bitcoin Spot ETFs last week. That’s more than I’ve made in… well, ever. According to SoSovalue, Friday alone saw $558.4 million flee. It’s like a digital gold rush in reverse, except instead of pickaxes, everyone’s wielding a “sell” button. Institutional investors, bless their cautious hearts, are apparently deciding that maybe, just maybe, digital money isn’t quite the future just yet.

On the auspicious date of November 8, 2025, gazing down from the grandeur of Florence, the Italian Banking Association (ABI)-under the genteel supervision of their General Manager, the ever-charismatic Marco Elio Rottigni-cast their lot in louche support for the European Central Bank’s (ECB) digital euro venture. ❄️ An ardent soliloquy relayed through the ethereal medium of a press seminar laid bare the exorbitant nature of the costs, advocating not a forfeiture to immediacy but a period of repose, spreading them with the delicacy of one arranging petals for a Sunday brunch. Following the ECB’s high-minded Governing Council gathering between the 29th and 30th of October, it was decreed a pilot should commence in 2027 and a grand unveiling might unfold in 2029, should the European Parliament agree to the proceedingsa ceremonial teetering on the brink of legislative approval expected in 2026.

On a fateful Sunday, the sage of financial prudence took to the digital agora to warn of the tempest brewing on the horizon, yet he, like a wise farmer, prepares his storehouses with the treasures of the earth. 🌪️🌾

Hold on to your seats, folks! 🚀 Recent Glassnode data shows that XRP investors are cashing in on their gains like there\’s no tomorrow! 🤑

Franklin Templeton, Grayscale, and Canary Capital have all made amendments to speed up the approval process. Like a pack of wolves circling a vulnerable lamb, they’re all hoping the SEC doesn’t throw a wrench into their plans. 🐺

Oh, what a spectacle! The economist, whose love for gold rivals only his disdain for anything digital, has once more unsheathed his rhetorical sword against bitcoin. With the fervor of a street preacher warning of the apocalypse, Schiff insists that this “fool’s gold” is but a fleeting illusion, destined to crumble beneath the weight of its own absurd valuation. 🏴‍☠️💸 “Sell now!” he cries, as if $100,000 were not a price but a divine signal-a celestial billboard flashing “ABANDON SHIP!” in neon letters.

In a QuickTake post on CryptoQuant, the indefatigable Amr Taha reveals a farcical shift in Bitcoin’s retail activity on the Binance network. Taha’s report, a masterpiece of dry wit, focuses on the ‘[Bitcoin] LTH/STH Buy/Sell Binance’ metric, which distinguishes between the sober Long-Term Holders (LTHs) and the flighty Short-Term Holders (STHs). A tale as old as time itself. ⏳📊