Defensive Plays: Soda & Smoke

The market, as usual, is pretending to be clever. All-time highs. Makes a person want to hide under the duvet with a tin of biscuits. Everyone’s chasing the shiny new thing, and I’m left wondering if I’m the only one who remembers what a correction feels like. My Aunt Millie, bless her, keeps calling with stock tips gleaned from daytime television. She suggested I invest in a company that makes self-folding laundry. I tried to explain the concept of a bear market, but she just said, “Well, bears need clean clothes too, don’t they?” So, instead of arguing with Aunt Millie, I’ve been looking at things that people will always need, or at least, always want. Which brings me to Coca-Cola and Altria. Not exactly glamorous, but then again, neither is financial security.

Coca-Cola

I remember being a child, and my grandfather, a man who believed sugar water was a legitimate food group, would always have a case of Coke in the garage. It was a point of pride. Now, of course, everyone’s all about sparkling water and kombucha. But people still drink Coke. A lot of it. The company, to its credit, has realized that relying solely on fizzy sugar is a bit like building a house on sand. They’ve expanded into bottled water, teas, even coffee. It’s like watching a slightly desperate relative try to reinvent themselves. But it’s working. They don’t actually make the drinks, you see. They just sell the syrup. Which is brilliant, really. Let someone else deal with the bottling plants and the distribution headaches. They’re essentially selling a flavor, a feeling. And that’s a pretty good business to be in.

They reported a 5% revenue increase last year, and are projecting something similar for the next. It’s not going to set the world on fire, but it’s steady. Reliable. Like a slightly boring, but dependable friend. And at 25 times forward earnings, it doesn’t seem outrageously priced. Which, in this market, is a minor miracle.

Altria

My father smoked for forty years. It wasn’t a good look. He tried to quit countless times, switching between nicotine patches, gum, and sheer willpower. None of it stuck. He finally managed to kick the habit when he took up competitive birdwatching. Apparently, holding your breath for extended periods doesn’t mix well with cigarettes. Altria, naturally, is facing a similar challenge. People are smoking less. Which, from a public health perspective, is excellent. From an investor’s perspective, it’s a bit trickier. They’ve been raising prices, cutting costs, and buying back shares. It’s a bit like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic, but it seems to be working. For now.

They’re also investing in smoke-free products – e-cigarettes, nicotine pouches, snus. It’s a Hail Mary pass, really. Trying to reinvent themselves as a wellness company. It’s a bold move, and I’m skeptical, but they’re throwing a lot of money at it. They’re projecting $5 billion in smoke-free revenue by 2028. Ambitious, to say the least. The yield is a hefty 6.3%, and they’ve raised their dividend for over sixty years. That’s a track record you can’t ignore. And at 12 times forward earnings, it’s practically giving money away. Which, in a way, it is.

Look, these aren’t glamorous stocks. They’re not going to make you a fortune overnight. But they’re solid. They’re reliable. And in a market that feels increasingly unhinged, that’s a pretty good thing. Besides, Aunt Millie would approve. She’s always said a little bit of sugar and a little bit of nicotine is good for the soul.

2026-02-13 21:32

Coca-Cola

Altria

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