Dividends & Desperation

My Aunt Carol, bless her, called last week. Not to ask about the kids, or my mother, but about “those dividend things.” She’d overheard someone at bingo talking about them, and now she needed my expertise. Me, an investor. It’s a title I use loosely, mostly because I once correctly predicted the price of gas would go up. Anyway, she pictured it like this: you buy a stock, and it just… sends you checks. Like a particularly reliable relative. I tried to explain it was slightly more complicated, but she’d already moved on to asking if she could buy stock in Blue Buffalo. It’s always Blue Buffalo.

The whole dividend thing feels particularly relevant now. The Fed, in its infinite wisdom, spent the last couple of years fiddling with interest rates like a bored teenager with a Rubik’s Cube. It was enough to make a person long for the simple predictability of a savings account. But now, rates are easing, and suddenly, everyone’s looking for income again. It’s like watching a flock of pigeons descend on a dropped french fry. Two stocks, in particular, have caught my eye, not because they’re glamorous, but because they seem… sturdy. Like sensible shoes.

Energy Transfer

Energy Transfer. The name itself sounds vaguely unpleasant, doesn’t it? Like a shady character in a noir film. But they move stuff. A lot of stuff. Pipelines, apparently, stretching across 44 states. It’s a network of tubes, essentially. I picture them as the circulatory system of the country, pumping black gold and natural gas from one place to another. They charge a “toll,” which is a wonderfully blunt way of putting it. It’s like a highway robbery, but legal. And surprisingly stable. Volatile commodity prices? They don’t much care. The stuff’s just gotta flow. It’s a bit like my Aunt Carol and her bingo cards; relentless and predictable.

And then there’s the tax stuff. Master Limited Partnership, they call it. Sounds intimidating, but it basically means they shuffle money around in a way that minimizes your tax burden. It’s a legal loophole, of course, but I’m not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. They pay a decent dividend—7.3%—and the stock seems reasonably priced. It’s not going to make you rich overnight, but it might just keep you from having to sell your stamp collection.

Verizon

Verizon. The name conjures images of bored customer service representatives and dropped calls. They serve 146.7 million wireless customers, which is a terrifying number. Imagine trying to please that many people. It’s enough to give anyone an anxiety attack. They’ve been struggling to add subscribers, mostly because everyone else is offering bigger and better deals. It’s a constant race to the bottom, and frankly, it’s exhausting.

But they’re trying to turn things around. They’re expanding their broadband business, offering fiber optic internet, and bundling services. They even bought Frontier Communications, which sounds like a desperate attempt to acquire anything that isn’t actively losing money. They’re also using AI, naturally. Everyone’s using AI. It’s the new black. They claim it will streamline customer support and network deployments. I suspect it will mostly just lead to more automated phone menus and infuriating hold music. Still, analysts expect earnings to rise a bit in the next couple of years. The stock is cheap—10 times forward earnings—and the dividend yield is a respectable 5.7%. It’s not glamorous, but it’s solid. Like a pair of sensible shoes. Or, you know, a reliable relative.

2026-02-13 21:12

Energy Transfer

Verizon

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