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Notre cher Andrea, ce fameux expert, nous dévoile une vision de trois mois, allant jusqu’à prévoir une chute monumentale. Imaginez, la grande star pourrait bien s’écraser en beauté, après avoir fait semblant de monter vers les étoiles. Une remontée, voire une sorte de balade en montagnes russes, jusqu’à ce que la fin d’année nous fasse saliver pour un sommet à 115 000 dollars… ou plus. Mais ne vous réjouissez pas trop vite, car à l’horizon, une chute vers un modeste 60 000 dollars semble poindre, en 2026, comme une fin de séance de cirque. 🎪🧨

In the latest drama:

These orange beauties now sit next to the more familiar bank ATMs, looking all shiny and ready to offer quick cash-to-Bitcoin conversions and, for the brave souls, selling options. It’s the future, or at least that’s what they tell us!

Only $100 million stands between this platform and its “historic” milestone. How poetic that the final stretch coincides with Mayhem Mode-a digital circus where every token is a lion tamer, and the audience is holding the whip. 🦁🎪

Bitcoin-focused treasuries now languish at a 37% discount, Ethereum’s at 39%, and Solana’s a pitiful 59%-all while their underlying tokens merely gasped at 16%, 22%, and 28% declines. One might almost pity the poor souls who mistook this for a temporary blip rather than a full-blown existential crisis. “The market,” intones the report, “is undervaluing these companies,” as if the laws of economics had suddenly forgotten their own rules.

There’s a fresh reversal attempt on the chart, but let’s be honest, it’s about as reliable as a troll’s promise. It’s failed once already, and unless $3,170 finally cracks, it’ll fail again. Because, you know, why make things easy? 😅

Meanwhile, the bitcoin ETFs are crying into their digital pillows, hemorrhaging cash faster than a failed vampire hunter: a staggering $523 million vanished in one gloomy Tuesday, marking the worst day on record for BlackRock’s iShares Bitcoin Trust. Now that’s a proper purge-a blood oath to the gods of crypto despair. 🩸

Yes, dear reader, the very fund that had gorged itself on capital inflows like a glutton at a feast found itself fasting. CoinGecko, CoinMarketCap, and their ilk whispered the scandalous numbers: a hemorrhage unseen since the fund’s debut. Imagine the gasps! The clattering of keyboards! The existential dread of analysts who’d mistaken volatility for a permanent lover. 💸

In a proclamation worthy of a modern-day Nostradamus, Alex Svanevik, the Penguin Emperor of Nansen (🐦📊), decrees: Cardano shall tumble from the Pantheon of Top 20 cryptos by 2026. Why? “It’s a ghost chain,” he scoffs, “where users go to vanish, not to trade.” 🤪👻