Apple vs. Costco: Honestly, Who Cares?

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So, everyone’s going on about Apple [AAPL 0.11%] and Costco [COST +1.11%]. Like, which one’s the better stock. It’s… exhausting. I mean, they both sell stuff. People buy it. What is this, capitalism 101? It’s all just…transactions. And everyone acts like picking one is some profound life choice. It’s not. It’s a stock.

Apple, with their little phones. Always updating. Always needing a new charger. It’s a conspiracy, I tell you. Designed obsolescence. And Costco? A warehouse full of bulk mayonnaise and discounted socks. People lining up like it’s the last day on earth. It’s… unsettling. The sheer volume of paper towels. It’s a statement, really. About… something.

They want me to pick? Between a company that practically forces you into a new ecosystem every eighteen months and a place where you can buy a lifetime supply of ketchup packets? This is what passes for financial analysis these days? Honestly.

Apple’s Brand: It’s Just… Shiny

Okay, the phones are smooth. I’ll give them that. And people seem to like them. It’s like a cult. They’re all walking around staring at these little screens, completely oblivious to the world around them. And Apple, of course, is happy to facilitate this. They’ve created a whole world where you need their accessories, their cloud storage, their everything. It’s…controlling. And they make a fortune doing it. A fortune. They reported $42.1 billion in net income on $143.8 billion in revenue in Q1 2026. It’s obscene. They can basically do whatever they want. And they do.

The software… it’s… functional. I guess. But it’s always changing. You finally figure out where everything is, and then boom, they move it. It’s infuriating. And the profit margin? 29%? Seriously? What are they even doing with all that money? I bet it’s not making the user interface any more intuitive.

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Costco: The Bulk Bin of My Discontent

Costco, on the other hand, is just… overwhelming. It’s like entering a different dimension. Aisles and aisles of…stuff. And people with these enormous carts. It’s a logistical nightmare. But, oddly enough, they seem to be doing well. Same-store sales up 5.9%? 6.4%? It’s baffling. Even during the pandemic, inflation, rising interest rates… they just keep selling giant tubs of pretzels. It defies logic.

The membership fee. That’s the real genius. You pay them money just to be allowed to spend more money. It’s brilliant, in a deeply cynical way. And the renewal rate? 90%? People are committed to buying industrial-sized containers of olive oil. It’s… disturbing. They buy in bulk, which makes sense, I guess. But the sheer volume… it’s a statement about excess. A commentary on… something.

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And the Winner Is… Still Irritating

Look, both companies are fine. They both make money. People buy their stuff. But to pretend there’s some huge difference, some compelling investment thesis… it’s just… exhausting. But if I had to pick? Apple. Why? Because the price-to-earnings ratio is lower. 34.2 versus Costco’s 51.9. It’s… marginally less offensive. A small victory in a world of pointless consumerism. And honestly, that’s about all I can hope for.

But don’t get me started on their customer service. It’s a black hole. You call, you wait, you get transferred… it’s a whole ordeal. I swear, they want you to be frustrated. It’s a power play. And the music on hold? It’s atrocious. Absolutely atrocious.

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2026-02-06 00:02