Disney’s February: A Comedy of Errors

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The House of Mouse, a grand edifice built on dreams and shareholder expectations, finds itself, as ever, teetering on the precipice of… something. January, a month as grey and unremarkable as a provincial accountant, saw Disney’s shares decline, a mere fractional loss, perhaps, but enough to cause a twitch in the eyebrow of any seasoned observer. The market, that fickle beast, has moved on, leaving Disney to ponder its fate, like a landowner inspecting a particularly stubborn patch of weeds.

February, being the shortest month, offers a fleeting opportunity for redemption, a brief respite before the full weight of quarterly reports and shareholder demands descends. It begins, as all things do, with Groundhog Day, a curious ritual involving a rodent and a shadow. Disney, naturally, will present its earnings on this auspicious occasion. A grand performance is expected, though one suspects the true spectacle lies not in the numbers, but in the frantic choreography behind them.

February 2nd: The Succession, or the Lack Thereof

Disney, in a gesture of almost unbearable suspense, has chosen a Monday to reveal its financial innards. A Monday! As if the weight of the week wasn’t already sufficient. But the numbers, while important, are merely a distraction. The real drama, whispered among the mahogany and gilt of the boardroom, concerns the succession. Old Iger, a man who has seen empires rise and fall, is expected to name his replacement sometime before the snow melts. Or perhaps not. The pronouncements from on high are often as reliable as a weather vane in a hurricane.

Rumors abound, naturally. D’Amaro and Walden, two internal candidates, are said to be vying for the throne, each with their own army of sycophants and carefully crafted narratives. One suspects the selection process involves less strategic acumen and more the whims of fate, or perhaps a particularly persuasive plate of pastries. And then there is the matter of the Avatar films. The second installment, a watery spectacle, proved lucrative. But the third… ah, the third. Director Cameron, a man prone to grand pronouncements and even grander budgets, threatens to abandon the project should it fail to meet expectations. One can almost see the spreadsheets weeping.

Comcast, a rival, has enjoyed a recent surge, fueled by the opening of its Epic Universe theme park. A gaudy affair, no doubt, but one that seems to be attracting the rubes. Its streaming service, Peacock, remains a financial black hole, consuming capital at an alarming rate. Disney, meanwhile, claims its streaming operations are thriving. A bold claim, considering the sheer number of streaming services vying for the attention of the modern consumer. One wonders if the success of Epic Universe will cast a shadow over Disney World. The analysts predict a modest rise in revenue, offset by a decline in earnings. A curious paradox, indeed.

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February 4th: The Muppets and the Perils of Nostalgia

Disney’s relationship with the Muppets has always been… strained. A long-running attraction, Muppet*Vision 3D, was unceremoniously shuttered, only to be replaced by a new act featuring the characters on a looping rollercoaster. A desperate attempt to recapture the magic, perhaps? The Muppet Show returns to ABC and Disney+, with Seth Rogen and Sabrina Carpenter as guests. One shudders to think what Kermit the Frog will get up to. “It’s the return of The Muppet Show!” he proclaims in the trailer. “We are so excited to be back… depending on how tonight goes!” A sentiment that perfectly encapsulates the precariousness of modern entertainment.

February 14th: Water Parks and the Illusion of Progress

At Disney World, the annual water park swap takes place. Typhoon Lagoon closes for maintenance, while Blizzard Beach opens its gates. A ritualistic exchange, as predictable as the changing of the seasons. But a larger transformation is underway. DinoLand U.S.A. will be replaced by Tropical Americas, featuring an Indiana Jones ride and a dark ride themed to Encanto. Progress, it seems, is measured in the demolition of the old and the construction of the new. Frozen Ever After, a boat ride at EPCOT, is also undergoing renovations. One can only hope that the animatronics are not possessed by mischievous spirits. It’s never a small world for Disney’s theme park business. Investors will be watching, naturally, but one suspects they will be watching the wrong things.

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2026-02-01 19:12