Market Update: Fed Holds, Tech Reports (and My Therapist)

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So, the S&P 500 (^GSPC 0.01%) did the financial equivalent of shrugging today – down a microscopic 0.01% to 6,978.03. Honestly, I’ve had more dramatic reactions to a lukewarm latte. The Nasdaq Composite (^IXIC +0.17%) managed a 0.17% pop to 23,857.45 – flirting with record territory, which is cute. And the Dow Jones Industrial Average (^DJI +0.02%) inched up 0.02% to 49,015.60. Basically, everyone’s waiting for something to really happen. My therapist says that’s a metaphor for my life, but I digress.

Market Movers & Shakers

Industrial stocks took a hit today, led by Badger Meter (BMI 11.00%), which dropped 11% after a revenue miss. Apparently, people aren’t buying enough water solutions? I feel like that’s a problem we should not have. Meanwhile, all eyes are on the megacaps reporting earnings. Meta (META 0.43%), Microsoft (MSFT +0.51%), and Tesla (TSLA +0.31%) all gave us numbers today. Tesla beat estimates, which is good, but revenue was down. It’s like getting a compliment on your outfit, then realizing you spilled coffee on your shirt.

RBC is still bullish on Intuit (INTU 1.23%), suggesting that recent pullback is a buying opportunity. Which is Wall Street-speak for “maybe don’t panic sell yet.” And C3.ai (AI +4.25%) jumped on merger news. Honestly, at this point, a company could announce a merger with a slightly more successful vending machine and the stock would go up.

What It All Means (According to Me, While Scrolling Twitter)

As predicted, the Federal Reserve didn’t touch interest rates. They’re holding steady at 3.5%-3.75%. Jerome Powell gave a speech about an improving economy and a stabilizing unemployment rate. Which is great, unless you are unemployed, in which case, sorry. CME FedWatch is now predicting two rate cuts this year, with a possible first cut in June. Basically, everyone’s hedging their bets like they’re at a high-stakes poker game.

The Nasdaq saw a slight bump ahead of these earnings reports. Meta surged in after-hours trading – Zuck’s still winning, apparently. Microsoft slipped despite better-than-expected results, possibly because investors are worried about how much money they’re throwing at AI. It’s like buying a really expensive self-cleaning oven and then still not doing the dishes. And Apple (AAPL 0.56%) reports tomorrow. Prepare for the hype machine to go into overdrive.

These tech earnings will give us a better sense of how the AI market is developing. There’s talk of a 2026 correction, fueled by fears of inflated prices. Which, let’s be real, is just a fancy way of saying “things might get messy.” I’m starting to think a career as a lighthouse keeper might be less stressful.

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2026-01-29 01:44