Growth Stocks: A Cynic’s Guide

Right. The market. Honestly, it’s been a bit of a rollercoaster, hasn’t it? Two decent drops in the last five years, enough to make you question all your life choices, and yet, the S&P 500’s still managed an 80% return. Which, let’s be real, just proves that throwing money at things and hoping for the best can occasionally work. It’s not exactly a sophisticated strategy, but it’s remarkably effective. And it’s why I’m here, wading through the noise, trying to find businesses that might actually stick around. Because let’s face it, we all need a little something to distract us from the impending doom.

The truly boring, but ultimately sensible, approach is to find companies with an actual advantage, a clear path to expansion. It’s less about hitting the jackpot and more about slow, steady gains. Like a sensible cardigan. Which, admittedly, isn’t very exciting. But here are two that have caught my eye, and no, I haven’t been bribed. Much.

1. Chewy

Chewy. Honestly, it’s a bit unsettling how much money people spend on their pets. But then, I look at my own questionable spending habits, and who am I to judge? This company sells pet supplies online, which sounds simple, but they’ve built a surprisingly loyal following. They’re basically the Amazon for fur babies. And that’s… something. The stock’s dipped about 13% recently, which, in the grand scheme of things, is a perfectly reasonable excuse to buy. I mean, if you’re into that sort of thing.

We’re talking about a $90 billion industry in 2018, projected to hit $157 billion by 2025. People love their pets. It’s a deeply irrational, but undeniably profitable, affection. And Chewy is perfectly positioned to capitalize on it. It’s almost… sinister. But in a good way.

Their revenue has gone from $2.1 billion in 2018 to over $12 billion. That’s not just growth; that’s a statement. And it’s driven by 21 million active customers, 84% of whom are signed up for Autoship. Autoship. It’s genius, really. Lock people into recurring deliveries of dog food, and watch the money roll in. It’s less about providing a service and more about creating a dependency. Don’t tell anyone I said that.

That recurring revenue is a big deal. It breeds loyalty, and it gives investors a bit more confidence. The stock is currently trading at 25 times 2026 earnings estimates, which, considering analysts expect a 24% annualized earnings growth, isn’t outrageous. They’re expanding into pet health services, sponsored ads, and Chewy Plus memberships. It’s all very… calculated. But effective. They’re playing the long game, and honestly, I respect that.

2. Dutch Bros

Dutch Bros. Now, this is a brand with ambition. They want to rival Starbucks. It’s a bold claim, and frankly, a little terrifying. But they’re building a network of drive-thru coffee shops, currently at 1,081 locations, with plans to reach 7,000. That’s a lot of coffee. A lot. As of September 30, 2025. They’re serious. And frankly, it’s exhausting just thinking about it.

They’re differentiating themselves with personalization, friendly service, giveaways, and speedy delivery. It sounds… nice. Almost unsettlingly nice. Same-store sales grew 5.7% year-over-year, which means existing shops are still attracting customers. They’re not just relying on new locations; they’re actually keeping people coming back. It’s a miracle, really.

And the menu. Oh, the menu. Cotton Candy Shake, Dragon Slayer Rebel… It’s marketing genius. It’s like they’re actively trying to appeal to my inner child. Which is… concerning. Coffee makes up about half of their sales, but they also offer shakes, sparkling sodas, smoothies… It’s a sugar rush waiting to happen. And honestly, I’m here for it.

After a bit of a dip in transaction volumes in 2023 and 2024, they’ve bounced back, with transactions up 4.7% year-over-year in the recent quarter. Revenue grew 25% year-over-year. They’re opening new locations, and analysts forecast 32% annual earnings growth over the next few years. It’s all very… optimistic. And I’m starting to feel a little suspicious.

The stock trades at a price-to-sales multiple of 5, which is comparable to what Starbucks was trading at during its early growth phase. It’s a uniquely positioned brand with the potential for long-term returns. Or, you know, it could all fall apart. That’s always a possibility. But where’s the fun in being sensible?

2026-01-27 11:22

1. Chewy

2. Dutch Bros

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