A Most Unsettling Week, Darling

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The market, as one might expect, is being frightfully temperamental. A bit of a seesaw, really. It began the year with a tentative upward flutter, only to be promptly scolded by Mr. Trump’s latest pronouncements regarding tariffs – and, of all things, Greenland. Honestly, the man does try one’s patience. The S&P 500 took a most ungracious tumble, naturally.

And the drama, alas, doesn’t end there. Not only has the President threatened to impose a frankly exorbitant tariff on Canadian imports – a gesture of such breathtaking petulance – but we also have the Federal Reserve convening, and the earnings reports of several of those behemoth tech companies looming. One feels quite exhausted just thinking about it.

The Federal Reserve’s Delicate Dance

The Federal Open Market Committee, that rather solemn gathering of economists, will be meeting this week to ponder the state of the nation’s finances. They’ll no doubt emerge with a carefully worded statement and a decision that will please absolutely no one. The prevailing wisdom suggests they’ll hold rates steady, which is sensible, given that Mr. Trump’s tariffs are simultaneously exacerbating inflation and, rather inconveniently, weakening the job market. They’ve been cutting rates rather liberally of late, but the latest employment figures suggest a degree of resilience that might give them pause.

Unemployment, thankfully, remains at a reasonably low 4.4%, a modest improvement on the previous month. One suspects the Committee will adopt a ‘wait and see’ approach, which, if one is being brutally honest, is often the most sensible course of action.

The Tech Titans Report

Now, for the earnings reports. Tesla, Microsoft, Meta Platforms, and Apple – a quartet responsible for a rather alarming 16% of the S&P 500, if you please – will all be revealing their financial secrets this week. One can only hope they’ve been behaving themselves.

Tesla: Apparently, vehicle production and deliveries are down. A bit of a predicament, really. Wall Street expects a decline in revenue and earnings, which, while predictable, is never particularly cheerful. The market, naturally, will be more interested in whatever fantastical pronouncements Mr. Musk has to offer regarding artificial intelligence. One assumes it will involve robots and self-driving cars, and a great deal of hyperbole.

Microsoft: A rather more robust performance expected from Microsoft, with revenue and earnings both predicted to rise. The cloud computing unit, Azure, seems to be thriving, which is encouraging. Investors will also be keen to hear what the CEO has to say about generative AI. One suspects he’ll be using a great deal of jargon.

Meta Platforms: A significant increase in revenue and earnings anticipated. Apparently, their investments in AI are paying dividends, boosting engagement and advertising rates. One hopes they continue to spend wisely. Capital expenditures are set to increase, which is either a sign of confidence or reckless abandon. Time will tell.

Apple: A modest increase in revenue and earnings expected, driven by iPhone sales and their services division. However, they seem to be lagging behind in the AI innovation race, which is rather surprising, given their resources. Investors will be looking for signs of progress on that front.

The overall picture, darling, is one of considerable volatility. Mr. Trump’s tantrums, coupled with the earnings reports of these tech giants, are likely to keep the market on edge. One might be tempted to panic, but that, of course, would be terribly vulgar.

My advice, as always, is to focus on the long term. Hold onto your high-conviction stocks, avoid chasing fleeting trends, and remember that a little bit of patience can go a long way. And perhaps, have a stiff drink. It’s the only sensible response, really.

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2026-01-26 11:33