The Quiet Dignity of Boring Stocks

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My Aunt Mildred, bless her, once invested heavily in Beanie Babies. She had charts, spreadsheets, a whole system. Said it was “the future.” It wasn’t. And that, I’ve come to suspect, is the fate of most things labeled “the future.” Right now, that label is stuck to everything AI. Everyone’s scrambling for the next big thing, and I’m left wondering if there’s a quiet corner of the market where things just…work. Not with fanfare, not with promises of disruption, but with the steady reliability of a well-worn shoe. Turns out, there might be. It involves packages and phone lines, which, admittedly, isn’t very glamorous.

I’ve been watching these AI companies, and it feels a bit like watching a toddler attempt a complex construction project. Lots of enthusiasm, a few impressive blocks stacked, and then, inevitably, a spectacular collapse. Meanwhile, over there, in the beige corner of the market, UPS and Verizon are just…delivering things and making phone calls. It’s almost insulting how stable they are.

The Appeal of Predictability

My therapist keeps telling me to embrace uncertainty. Which is easy to say when you’re not entrusting your life savings to a company that promises to teach a computer to write poetry. These “consistent” companies, as they’re called, they don’t need to reinvent themselves every quarter. They just need to, you know, deliver the package. Or make the call. And then, shockingly, they actually make the profit. It’s a radical concept, I realize.

UPS, for instance. They’ve had a rough couple of years, sure. But my neighbor, a retired accountant, pointed out that a company that can reliably lose packages is still a company that reliably delivers a lot of packages. It’s a sort of perverse logic. And right now, the stock is trading at a discount, which means you can get a decent dividend while they sort things out. It’s like getting paid to watch a slightly chaotic, but ultimately functional, operation. I’m a sucker for that.

They’re also deliberately shrinking their relationship with Amazon, which seems counterintuitive. But apparently, Amazon doesn’t pay very well. Who knew? It’s like dating – sometimes you have to walk away from the demanding partner to find something more sustainable.

Verizon: A Dividend and a Sigh of Relief

Verizon is even simpler. They sell phone service. It’s not exactly rocket science. But it’s reliably profitable, and they’re paying a dividend that’s currently higher than my savings account interest rate. I’m not saying it’s exciting, but it’s comforting. It’s the financial equivalent of a beige cardigan. And they’re actually reducing their debt, which, in this economy, feels like a miracle.

My brother-in-law, who’s obsessed with “disruptive technologies,” scoffed when I mentioned Verizon. “It’s a dying business!” he declared. But I pointed out that people will always need to make phone calls, even if they’re doing it to order a self-driving pizza. Sometimes, the most disruptive thing a company can do is just…stay the same.

The Quiet Rebellion of Boring Stocks

Look, I’m not saying AI is a bad investment. I’m just saying that maybe, just maybe, there’s something to be said for the quiet dignity of boring stocks. They don’t promise to change the world. They just promise to deliver a steady return. And in a world obsessed with hype and disruption, that feels like a radical act of rebellion. It’s the financial equivalent of wearing sensible shoes to a party. And honestly? I’m starting to prefer sensible shoes.

My Aunt Mildred, of course, would disagree. She’s already invested in a company that’s developing AI-powered Beanie Babies. Some people never learn. But me? I’m taking the beige cardigan. It’s surprisingly warm.

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2026-01-22 00:23