Sirius XM: Still Broadcasting…Or Just Static?

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Alright, settle in, folks! Let’s talk about Sirius XM (SIRI 1.52%). Now, I’ve seen empires rise and fall, seen more stock charts than I’ve had hot dinners, and lemme tell ya, this one…this one’s a bit of a pickle. Over the last five years, the stock has done a magnificent disappearing act, plunging a full 59%. That’s not a dip, that’s a swan dive into a very shallow pool! And believe me, I’ve seen some dives. I once directed a musical about a man who tried to swim across the Atlantic. It didn’t end well.

The trouble is, the world changed. It used to be, if you wanted tunes in your car, you had two choices: AM radio, which mostly played polka and emergency broadcasts, or Sirius XM. Now? Now you’ve got more options than there are characters in a Gilbert & Sullivan operetta! And they’re all fighting for your attention…and your subscription dollars.

So, the question is, does Sirius XM still belong in your portfolio? Is it a wise investment, or are you better off investing in…I don’t know…trained pigeons? (Don’t laugh, pigeons are making a comeback! They deliver messages and…well, they poop on things. It’s a niche market.)

Sirius XM’s Value Proposition: A Bit Like a Bugle in a Rock Concert

Look, Sirius XM has a monopoly on satellite radio in the U.S. That’s…something. And it does have nationwide coverage, a wider selection than your average terrestrial station, and a clearer signal. But let’s be honest, it’s like bringing a bugle to a rock concert. Technically, it makes sound, but…is anyone really listening?

The real competition isn’t other radio stations, it’s Spotify, Apple, and Alphabet (Google, for those of you keeping score at home). These guys didn’t build their empires on satellites. They built them on smartphones, on streaming, on algorithms that know what you want to hear before you do! It’s practically mind control! (I’m working on a musical about that, too. It’s called “The Algorithm and I.”) Spotify alone has 713 million monthly active users. That’s a lot of ears! And Apple and Alphabet control iOS and Android, meaning they control the dashboards of most cars on the road with Apple CarPlay and Android Auto. It’s a takeover, I tell ya, a takeover!

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Don’t Bet Against Progress (Unless You’re a Time Traveler)

Now, some value investors, bless their hearts, are still sniffing around Sirius XM. Why? Because it’s cheap! A forward price-to-earnings ratio of 6.9? That’s practically giving money away! And a dividend yield of 5.3%? Suddenly, it’s looking like a good deal! But let’s not get carried away. The company’s revenue totaled over $2.1 billion in the third quarter, down slightly year over year. Analysts predict flat revenue from 2025 through 2027. Flat! That’s like a comedian telling the same joke for three years straight. It gets old fast!

The number of subscribers is dwindling. Sirius XM has lost self-pay subscribers in eight of the last eleven quarters. Eight! That’s a trend, folks, and it’s not a pretty one. They’re on the wrong side of history, like a Roman emperor trying to sell flip phones. And the balance sheet? Oof. As of September 30th, the company carried a debt load of $10.1 billion. That’s 48% more than its entire market cap! That’s like building a castle on a foundation of quicksand. It’s going to crumble!

So, my advice? Avoid this stock. Run from it! Take your money and invest it in something…anything…that doesn’t involve satellites. I’m thinking trained pigeons. They’re making a comeback, you know.

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2026-01-21 14:42