ETFs: A Perfectly Acceptable Mess

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So, these ETFs. I mean, really? Another way for people to separate themselves from their money? It’s like they want to complicate things. You’ve got this IBIT, right? The iShares Bitcoin Trust. Very straightforward. It holds Bitcoin. Bitcoin! It’s a digital thing. And they charge you a quarter of a percent for the privilege of letting them hold it. A quarter! It’s insulting. It’s like paying someone to watch your stuff, and they occasionally misplace it, but then say, “Hey, at least we’re watching it!”

Then you’ve got this BITQ, the Bitwise Crypto Industry Innovators ETF. Innovators? Really? It’s a fund that invests in companies related to crypto. Related! So, you’re not even getting the actual thing. It’s like wanting a steak and getting a picture of a cow. And the expense ratio? 0.85%! Eighty-five cents on the dollar just to have them pick stocks of companies that might benefit from the whole crypto circus. It’s a racket, I tell you. A perfectly acceptable racket, because everyone’s doing it. Which makes it even more infuriating.

The table, if you must know, shows IBIT has $70 billion under management. Seventy billion! What are all these people thinking? And BITQ has a measly $400 million. It’s like the little guy trying to compete with the giant. And losing, predictably. Although, oddly enough, BITQ’s one-year return was higher. 26.3% versus IBIT’s -5.0%. So, the riskier, more convoluted option actually performed better. Go figure. It’s like betting on the long shot and winning. It doesn’t make any sense. It violates the natural order of things.

Let’s talk holdings. BITQ, naturally, is all over the place. Iren, Coinbase, Microstrategy… a veritable grab bag of companies tenuously linked to the crypto world. It’s diversification for the sake of diversification. Like a buffet where everything tastes vaguely the same. IBIT, bless its simple heart, just holds Bitcoin. It’s almost… honest. Almost. It’s like ordering a plain bagel. You know what you’re getting. No surprises. Which, in this day and age, is a radical concept.

And the beta! BITQ has a beta above 4. Above 4! That means it’s four times as volatile as the S&P 500. Four times! It’s like riding a rollercoaster built by someone who actively dislikes human beings. IBIT’s beta is… well, it’s a beta. Predictable. Boring. Safe. Which, let’s be honest, is what most people actually want. But nobody will admit it. They all want to be “innovators.”

This whole ETF thing is just a symptom of a larger problem. People are obsessed with finding new and complicated ways to invest their money. They’re afraid of missing out on the next big thing. And the financial industry is more than happy to oblige. They’ll create a product for anything, as long as it generates fees. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle of greed and stupidity. And I, for one, am not amused.

Let’s be clear: these ETFs aren’t inherently bad. They’re just… unnecessary. They’re a solution in search of a problem. And the fact that they’re so popular just proves that people are easily distracted. They see a shiny new object and they immediately forget about everything else. It’s pathetic, really.

ETF (Exchange-traded fund): A way to lose money in a slightly more organized fashion.
Expense ratio: The fee you pay for the privilege of letting someone else manage your money.
Assets under management (AUM): A measure of how much money someone is mismanaging.
Bitcoin ETF: A way to invest in a digital thing without actually understanding it.
Crypto-related equities: Stocks of companies that are probably going to lose money.
Max drawdown: The amount of money you lost.
Beta: A measure of how much risk you’re taking.
Liquidity (in ETFs): How easily you can get out before it’s too late.
Management fee: See “Expense ratio.”
Diversified portfolio: A way to spread your losses around.
Single-asset exposure: Putting all your eggs in one very fragile basket.
Total return: The amount of money you didn’t lose.

So, if you’re going to invest in these ETFs, just remember one thing: you’re probably going to lose money. But hey, at least you’ll have a good story to tell. And that, my friends, is priceless. Or at least, it should be.

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2026-01-18 19:33