Monero’s Phantom Waltz: 81% Surge, No Spot, All Drama 🎭💸

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Ah, the theater of the absurd! Hyperliquid, that cunning maestro of the markets, has graciously invited Monero (XMR) to its perpetual futures ball, breathing life into a token that has been banished from nearly every stage. XMR, once a darling of the derivatives, now finds itself in a world where spot markets are but a distant memory, like a forgotten melody in a forgotten tavern. Binance and its ilk once offered a glimpse of this phantom, but the times, my dear reader, have changed. 🕰️

Derivatives are the only game in town, and the traders, oh the traders, they dance to this macabre tune. The price, it soars! XMR, up 81.6% this month, trades above $742, leaving Bitcoin Cash in the dust and nipping at Cardano’s heels. And what drives this madness? No news, no roadmap, no grand integration-just the whims of enthusiasts, flocking to privacy like moths to a flame, while the rest of the market gawks at ETFs and meme coins. 🦇🔥

The soothsayers of X, those technical analysts with their charts and patterns, proclaim the “cup with handle” narrative-an ancient incantation, usually reserved for the metallic rallies of old. They point to the $850-$900 zone as the next act in this drama. Self-fulfilling prophecy? Perhaps. But Hyperliquid’s listing has thrown open the doors to this spectacle, offering leverage without the shackles of spot exposure. The new playbook, you say? Leverage, my friend, with a dash of chaos. 🎭📈

No spot? No problem! 🍷✨

Monero, poor exiled soul, cannot be bought on most major platforms, yet it is traded, longed, and shorted with abandon. Futures, those clever instruments, allow traders to profit from volatility without the burden of ownership-perfect for compliance-wary funds and high-frequency traders who crave exposure without the friction. In this brave new world, derivatives do not merely replace spot trading; they render it obsolete. A revolution, or merely a farce? You decide. 🤡

And what of Zcash, that forgotten cousin? It lingers at a third of XMR’s valuation, devoid of momentum, technical buzz, or fresh listings. A tragic figure, left to ponder its fate in the shadows. 🌑

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2026-01-15 19:05