Right, so Walmart. They’re at it again. All this talk of AI, of revolutionizing retail… Honestly, it’s exhausting. Like they’re expecting a gold star for finally catching up with the rest of the 21st century. They’ve been “exploring” AI for years – which, let’s be real, usually means throwing money at a problem until someone suggests a buzzword. And now, Daniel Danker, their VP of AI Acceleration – a title that already feels like a self-fulfilling prophecy – is telling us 2026 is the magic year. The year tinkering becomes transformation. Oh, good. I was starting to worry it wouldn’t.
He laid it all out at the ICR Conference, didn’t he? A lot of promises about “deeply addressing customer problems.” Which, translated from corporate-speak, probably means subtly manipulating us into buying more things we don’t need. They’re not solving problems; they’re creating solutions to problems they manufactured. It’s brilliant, really. And terrifying.
Machine Learning on Steroids (or Just a Better Algorithm?)
Apparently, machine learning – you know, the stuff Target was using a decade ago to guess if you were pregnant based on your bulk purchases of unscented lotion and cotton balls – isn’t cutting it anymore. It’s all so…predictable. They could see you were buying turkeys after Thanksgiving. Groundbreaking. Now they want AI, which, according to Danker, can reason why you’re buying turkeys. As if that justifies the price of a slightly smarter algorithm. It’s like giving your Roomba a philosophy degree. Does it vacuum better? No. Does it judge your life choices? Probably.
The real ambition, naturally, is the automatic purchase of everything. Laundry detergent, milk, your entire life. They’re dreaming of a world where you don’t even think about running out of things. Just…replenished. Like a slightly more sophisticated version of being on life support. He says they’re “not quite there yet,” which is a relief, honestly. I still want to retain the illusion of control, however flimsy.
Leaning Into Chatbots (and the Inevitable Data Grab)
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Is Walmart Stock a Buy? (Let’s Be Realistic)
Look, Walmart isn’t stupid. They’re seeing the writing on the wall and throwing everything they have at AI. It might even work. But the stock market is already pricing in a fairy tale. 45 times earnings? Analysts expect a measly 12% growth in earnings? It’s…optimistic. To put it mildly. They’re betting on AI to magically transform a brick-and-mortar behemoth into a tech darling. It’s a long shot.
At the right price, sure, Walmart might be a decent investment. But even with this AI “tailwind,” the valuation feels…frothy. Like a perfectly Instagrammable latte that tastes suspiciously of disappointment. I’m all for a good story, but I prefer my investments grounded in a little bit of reality. And honestly? This feels like a very well-marketed illusion.
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2026-01-15 17:34