AMD Rises, Banks Struggle on Jan. 13

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The S&P 500, that ever-reliable friend who’s always late to the party, slipped 0.19% to 6,963.74 today. December’s CPI data, which came in slightly lower than expected, felt like a half-hearted apology for the chaos of the past year. The Nasdaq, ever the overachiever, eased 0.10% to 23,709.87, while the Dow Jones Industrial Average, that old relic, fell 0.80% to 49,191.99. It’s like watching your uncle’s car break down on the way to Thanksgiving.

AMD and Intel, those chip-obsessed pals, surged on analyst hype about AI. It’s like they’re at a party where everyone’s pretending to know the host, even though they’ve never met. Meanwhile, Salesforce dropped 7.13%-probably because someone finally noticed it’s not the only game in town. JPMorgan Chase, that banking paragon, slid 3.99% after earnings that felt like a tax audit. Bank of America and Wells Fargo, meanwhile, were just… there, like a couch you don’t want to sit on.

The inflation data showed prices up 0.3% in December, with core CPI at 2.6%. The Fed, that eternal indecisive, is probably now debating whether to serve tea or coffee. JPMorgan’s Apple Card deal? A bureaucratic nightmare that probably took 100 emails to finalize. CEO Jamie Dimon’s warning about credit card interest rates? Like complaining about the weather while the house is on fire.

AI stocks, meanwhile, are the new hot topic. AMD and Intel are up, but it’s like everyone’s excited about a new app that’s just a better version of something from 2010. Mohamed El-Erian, that voice of reason, says the AI bubble might pop. But who listens to him? Everyone’s too busy pretending they understand machine learning to notice the cracks.

It’s all so… tedious. The market’s like a dinner party where no one knows the rules, and someone’s always spilling wine on the rug. But hey, at least the chips are up. 📈

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2026-01-14 01:11