Oh, what a glorious spectacle! The poor souls who dared to bet against Bitcoin’s meteoric rise have been summarily crushed, their dreams of riches reduced to digital ash. Leverage, that sly temptress, has led many to ruin as the new week dawned like a villain’s triumph. 🌅
In the past 24 hours, $426.3 million in crypto bets were liquidated with the grace of a bear mauling a picnic basket. CoinGlass, the oracle of data, reports that short-sellers bore the brunt of this carnage, their $346.1 million in losses echoing through the crypto valleys like a particularly grating lute. 🎵
BTC, the undisputed king of this chaotic kingdom, claimed the crown jewel of liquidations: $227.96 million. Ethereum, ever the loyal courtier, contributed $73.33 million, while Solana, the upstart, coughed up $13.41 million. A veritable feast for the market’s wolves. 🐺
Bitcoin, that golden goose, has soared from $87,500 to $94,312 since the year began, leaving analysts and traders alike clutching their pearls. Michaël van de Poppe, a self-proclaimed prophet of X (formerly Twitter), warns his 817,000 followers that BTC must cling to $90,000 “like a drunkard to a lamppost” to avoid a relapse. 🕯️
“Slowly, but surely, the momentum comes back into the markets,” he intones, as if reciting a bedtime story to a sleepless crowd. One might almost believe him… if not for the faint sound of clinking coins and the distant wails of the newly destitute. 💸
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2026-01-05 23:12