The US crypto ETF market is about to hit “Did I miss a memo?” level chaos. Bitwise’s 2026 forecast (channeling Wall Street meets Wonderland) claims over 100 crypto-linked ETFs will launch post-2025 SEC rule changes. Talk about a crowded party where only the glitter survives 🧨.
While Bitcoin, Ethereum, and Solana are on track for “shiny new highs”, Bloomberg’s James Seyffart has issued a survival alert: “ETFs over here are turning from gala to gladiatorial combat. You might need a lifeline by 2027!”
Bitwise’s 11 Crypto Crystal Ball Predictions (Or How to Lose Friends and Invite Collapse)
Bitwise’s list reads like a love letter to risk-takers and masochists. Highlights include:
- Bitcoin breaks its four-year cycle-again. Because even crypto gods need a break 🤷♀️.
- Bitcoin’s volatility becomes less drama-than-Nvidia. Yes, even peak crypto can’t out-stress $NVDA 🤯.
- ETFs gobble up >100% of new Bitcoin supply? Sounds like the wild west with a salad 🥗.
- Polymarket’s open interest outdoes 2024 election chaos. Welcome to the futures circus 🎪!
- Half of Ivy League endowments go crypto? Suddenly, academia’s got more sparkle than my NFT collection 😅.
Seyffart on Liquidations: ETFs “Die Like Antiques at a Garage Sale by 2027”
The SEC’s 2025 “closing loopholes like a drama queen” move lets ETFs launch without individual permission. Bitwise calls it “regulatory clarity,” but Seyffart’s more into the apocalyptic vibes: “Issuers are throwing products at the wall faster than I can blink. Some will stick. Most won’t.”
“[SEC] approves generic listing standards like, ‘Here’s the cake, now eat it fast.’”
“I’m in 100% agreement with Bitwise,” Seyffart sniped. “Just prepare for crypto ETP liquidations by 2027. It’s like the Hunger Games, but with spreadsheets 📊.”
Bitcoin’s Reign and Altcoin’s Fame Factory
Bloomberg stats are playing “This Is Fine”: 90 ETFs managing $153B, 125 pending filings, and altcoins like Solana trying to outdo Bitcoin in the “who’s-niche-er” contest 💀.
Altcoins are niche? Not for long. But let’s not forget: 40% of ETFs since 2010 have died slow deaths. Pro tip: don’t invest in products that feel like “zombie” assets-dead, but still charging fees 😬.
Crypto ETF Shakeout: Only the Glow-up Surivors Make It
Seyffart’s warning? “ETFs without assets, differentiation, or distribution are goldfish waiting for water.” Liquid Collective’s Chris Matta added, “Zombie assets are crypto’s version of ‘knitting’ hashtags-popular in 2020, dead now.”
“Maybe the failure to sustain an ETF is the next ‘crypto red flag’ you’ll OAuth but regret… months later,” Matta deadpanned.
Investors, prepare to choose your ETFs like dating apps-Swipe left on fee-heavy trash, right on the “differentiators” (even if you’re not sure why they work) 💅.
Bitwise’s bullishness? Sure. But by late 2027, expect a sector that’s “trimmed” like a British hedge maze-only the survivors make it to the center 🧩.
- Dead ETFs purged like mythical creatures,
- Investors left with fewer choices (but smarter ones! Shhh, sarcasm 😎),
- And strategies that stand out like “I didn’t” party outfits.
In the end, it’s the crypto version of “winter is coming”-except the cold is regulatory scrutiny, and the wolves are Bitcoin ETFs 🐺. Let’s cross our fingers for the glitter and hope the zombies stay in the corner 🕳️.
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2025-12-18 11:18