Crypto’s Wild Ride: Will the Fed Save the Day? 🚀

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Right. So, the little digital numbers people are obsessing over – what they call “cryptocurrencies” – are, apparently, wobbling upwards. Why? Well, the chaps in suits over at the Federal Reserve are having a bit of a think about interest rates. It’s all terribly important, or so they say. Traders, being the excitable sort, are rearranging their digital furniture in anticipation. You’d think someone had promised free sausages.

  • Bitcoin, Ethereum, and a host of other vaguely-named coin-things went up. Because reasons. 🤷
  • Everyone expects a rate cut. History suggests this either causes joy or mild disappointment. It’s a bit like flipping a coin, only with more spreadsheets.
  • Some clever people with very large monitors say things might bounce around a bit. Apparently, $87,000 is a number to watch, which feels suspiciously… arbitrary.

The grand total value of all this… stuff… went up 3% to $3.2 trillion. Progress! Bitcoin itself, that granddaddy of digital scarcity, managed a respectable 2.3% gain, reaching the dizzying heights of $92,496. Ethereum, trying to keep up, notched a 6% increase to $3,312. Even Solana got in on the act, clambering 3.9% to $138 – which is good, if you happen to own Solana.

But the real action, naturally, was with the less famous ones. Zcash shot up 11% to $440 (still not enough to buy a decent teapot, frankly), Avalanche gained 6.2% to $14, and Monero, being a bit mysterious, popped 5.4% to $390. Sentiment, apparently, improved slightly. Which just means people aren’t quite as panicked as they were yesterday. 🎉

The “Crypto Fear & Greed Index” crawled out of “extreme fear” – going from a pathetic 22 to a marginally less pathetic 26. People lost $429 million in liquidations – which is just a fancy way of saying they bet wrong and the market corrected their mistake. Open interest went up 3% to $133 billion, mostly because people seem to like gambling. The whole thing stayed stubbornly “neutral”, like a particularly boring accountant.

The Fed: Deciding Our Fate (Probably)

So, the aforementioned chaps in suits will be revealing their decision at 2:00 p.m. ET (4:00 p.m. UTC). Everyone and their grandmother is expecting a 25-basis-point cut. The real question is what they’ll say after the cut. Will they be feeling generous, or will they start muttering about “fiscal responsibility”? The suspense is killing me… not. 😴

If they cut rates and then indicate they’ll cut them again, things could get… interesting. Bitcoin might try to hit $92,000 to $95,000 (don’t spend it all at once), and more people will lose even more money thanks to “short liquidation cascades”. It’s a win-win for everyone except the people losing money, of course.

Some analysts – the ones employed to analyse things – point out that Bitcoin tends to do a little jig and then stumble after these rate cuts. Last time, it went up and then fell $2,000. The pattern suggests a possible “buy the rumour, sell the news” scenario. Which is a fancy way of saying “don’t get your hopes up”. 🙄

What the Experts Say (Take With a Pinch of Salt)

Tom Lee, a man who clearly enjoys making predictions, thinks prices will rally all the way to $100,000 – $110,000. CoinDCX Research agrees (probably because Tom Lee bought them lunch). They’re even suggesting a possible leap to $130,000 – $140,000 if enough people start buying things.

Cathie Wood, who is known for being…optimistic, warns that Bitcoin needs to hold the $87,000 level. If it doesn’t, things could get messy. It’s always good to have someone to blame when things go wrong!

Finally, CryptoQuant (who sound like villains in a science fiction film) suggest keeping an eye on the technical bits and bobs – leverage, exchange reserves, ETF flows. Basically, pay attention to things no ordinary person understands. They also admit the next move will depend more on what the head chap, Powell, says than on the actual rate cut itself. Which is comforting…in a deeply unsettling way. 🤷‍♀️

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2025-12-10 08:26