Bitmine’s ETH Hoard: A Treasury Fit for a Tsar! 🤑

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In the shadowed halls of capitalist excess, Bitmine Immersion Technologies has unveiled a treasure trove worthy of a Dickensian miser: 3.6 million ethereum (ETH) languishing in its vaults. This revelation, tucked within an $11.8 billion holdings update, emerged like a specter from the November chairman’s message-a testament to the greed that fuels the modern oligarchy. 🏦💰

Bitmine’s November Spectacle: A Circus of Wealth

Bitmine, that behemoth of crypto hoarding, declared its holdings now total $11.8 billion-a sum that would make even the most hardened proletariat blush. Among its spoils: 3,559,879 ETH (roughly 2.9% of the token’s circulating supply), 192 bitcoin, and a cool $607 million in unencumbered cash. As of Nov. 16, this hoard stands as a monument to the absurdity of wealth accumulation in an age of inequality. 📈🤡

Chairman Tom Lee, ever the apologist for the financial elite, attributed recent market weakness to “liquidity stress” among crypto market makers. According to Lee, the downturn following the Oct. 10 deleveraging event is but a symptom of a balance-sheet “hole”-a wound inflicted by the very system he defends. “Quantitative tightening,” he calls it, as if the suffering of the masses were a mere statistical adjustment. 📉😏

Bitmine, with its self-proclaimed title of the world’s largest ethereum treasury firm, trails only Strategy Inc.’s BTC holdings. Lee, in his November missive, insists the crypto cycle’s peak is still 12 to 36 months away-a prediction as bold as it is detached from the struggles of the working class. Meanwhile, he extols the virtues of tokenization, that “unlock” which promises transparency but delivers only more chains for the exploited. 🔗🤖

In a flourish of historical revisionism, Lee compares recent U.S. policy moves-the GENIUS Act, the SEC’s Project Crypto-to the end of the Bretton Woods system. “A structural transition,” he declares, as if the dismantling of financial regulations were a boon to the common man rather than a license for further plunder. 🏛️💼

Bitmine’s trading activity, meanwhile, remains a spectacle of excess, with $1.4 billion in average daily dollar volume over the past five days. The company credits this to “liquidity strength,” even as the crypto-equity market reels from October’s deleveraging shock. A circus of wealth, indeed, where the clowns are the masters of the universe. 🎪💹

FAQ ❓

  • What did Bitmine announce in November?
    Bitmine disclosed $11.8 billion in assets, including 3.6 million ETH-a hoard that would make a tsar envious. 🧑‍💼💎
  • How much of the ethereum supply does Bitmine hold?
    Bitmine controls about 2.9% of all existing ETH tokens-a slice of the pie that leaves little for the rest. 🥧🙄
  • What concerns were raised in the chairman’s message?
    The note laments liquidity stress among market makers, a crisis born of the very system Lee defends. 💸😢
  • What future outlook did Bitmine’s chairman outline?
    He predicts the crypto cycle’s peak is 12 to 36 months away-a future as uncertain as it is distant. 🔮🤷‍♂️

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2025-11-17 20:38