Democrats Declare Crypto War on Trump: A Tale of Coins, Clout, and Chaos!

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Well, butter my biscuit and call me surprised! The House Democrats have decided to waltz into the ring and declare war on the former President and his merry band of politicians, all over a bunch of digital doodads they call “crypto.” 🎩🐍 Rep. Ro Khanna, the self-proclaimed crypto-bouncer of Congress, is hollering that no politician should be allowed to peddle, promote, or profit from these digital trinkets. Because apparently, the Oval Office has become a mighty fine side hustle. 🦸♂️

According to Fox Business-which, let’s be real, is about as neutral as a buttered skillet-the resolution’s target is as clear as a summer sky: Trump, his family, and every elected official from sea to shining sea. The goal? To stop them from turning the presidency into a carnival game where the prize is a suitcase full of Bitcoin. 🎪

Politicians Banned from Crypto? Say It Ain’t So!

Khanna’s grand plan would slap a “Closed for Business” sign on the digital vaults of politicians and their kin. No more endorsing memecoins, hyping NFTs, or dabbling in DeFi schemes. Even their cousins twice removed would have to sit this one out. The resolution’s wording is so broad it could double as a fishing net:

“…bar the issuance, sponsoring, or endorsing of digital assets (including cryptocurrency, memecoins, stablecoins, tokens, NFTs, digital trading cards, and decentralized finance platforms) by the President, Vice President, Members of Congress, candidates for public office, elected public officials, high-ranking executive branch employees and special government employees and their immediate family members…”

In case you missed the memo, Khanna declared during a cozy chat with Fox:

“No one should be in elective office to profit off their position.”

Well, that’s a novel idea. 🤭

Blind Trusts and Full Disclosure: Because Secrets Are Bad, Right?

But wait-there’s more! The resolution also demands that politicians stuff their crypto into “blind trusts” they can’t access while in office. Think of it as a political chastity belt, except for wallets. 🧨 And heaven forbid they forget to disclose a single transaction-every trade must be reported “full and timely,” like a railroad schedule. Foreigners? They’re barred from investing in any crypto schemes tied to these folks. Because nothing says “trust us” like letting oligarchs fund your digital duck pond. 🦆

The resolution’s sharpest jab? A thinly veiled takedown of Trump’s crypto empire, which includes enough coins, tokens, and DeFi platforms to make a Wall Street banker blush. The document claims he “used the powers of his office… to promote and boost the value of crypto ventures.” Translation: He’s the P.T. Barnum of blockchain. 🎪

Trump’s Binance Pardon: A Presidential Plot Twist

And just when you thought the plot couldn’t get juicier, the resolution accuses Trump of trying to pardon Binance’s ex-CEO, Changpeng “CZ” Zhao. The White House fired back with a statement that could make a lawyer blush:

“President Trump exercised his constitutional authority by issuing a pardon for Mr. Zhao, who was prosecuted by the Biden Administration in their war on cryptocurrency.”

White House press secretary Karoline Levitt added:

“The Biden Administration sought to imprison Mr. Zhao for three years, a sentence so outside Sentencing Guidelines that the even the Judge said he had never heard of this in his 30-year career.”

Because nothing says “justice” like a sentence so harsh it makes a judge gasp. 🤷♂️

In closing, the White House declared:

“These actions by the Biden Administration severely damaged the United States’ reputation as a global leader in technology and innovation. The Biden Administration’s war on crypto is over.”

So, who’s winning this circus? The answer’s anyone’s guess-but the popcorn is fresh. 🍿

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2025-11-05 00:07