CZ calls Peter Schiff’s tokenized gold a ‘trust me bro’ asset

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In the dimly lit corridors of the crypto cosmos, where the air reeks of hubris and digital alchemy, Changpeng “CZ” Zhao, that sardonic bard of blockchain, deigned to dismiss Peter Schiff’s tokenized gold as a “trust me bro” asset-a phrase that drips with the existential despair of a man who has seen too many rug pulls and too few redemptions. “It is not onchain gold,” he declared, his words slicing through the ether like a rusty scythe, “but a promise, a fragile covenant with third-party custodians, who may vanish like mirages in a desert of debt. Will they deliver gold in a war? After their CEOs have fled to tax havens? Perhaps in a century, when your grandchildren beg for scraps?” 🤷♂️

This diatribe followed Schiff’s grand announcement-a digital gold standard, wrapped in an app and tied to a blockchain, as if such things could sanctify the profane. “Users shall buy gold, store it in vaults, transfer it like digital confetti, and redeem it with the elegance of a medieval barter,” Schiff proclaimed, his voice trembling with the fervor of a man who believes he has solved the human condition. Yet CZ, that jester of decentralization, scoffed at the notion, for what is a token if not a child’s scribble on a napkin, claiming it’s worth a castle? 🏰

Bitcoin will eventually go to zero: Schiff

Schiff, ever the prophet of physicality, reiterated his crusade against Bitcoin, that “gigantic pump-and-dump” heaped with the bones of early adopters who cashed out while the rest drowned in a sea of FOMO. “Bitcoin is a ghost,” he intoned, “a phantom with no intrinsic value, no anchor, no soul. It will return to zero, as all things hollow must.” And yet, in his madness, there was method: he foresaw a sovereign debt crisis so vast it would make 2008’s collapse look like a toddler’s tantrum, hyperinflation gnawing at the dollar, and gold soaring to $4,000-an apocalyptic ballet of greed and redemption. 🎭

The US dollar, that old titan of reserve currencies, now totters on its throne, its reign nearing its twilight. Schiff, with the prescience of a man who has stared into the abyss, predicted a “monetary reset”-a return to gold, as central banks swap Treasurys for bars of the stuff like alchemists in a post-Nixonian fairy tale. One can almost hear the clinking of chains as the world shackles itself anew to the yellow metal. 🦁

Gold loses $2.5 trillion in market cap after record surge

And lo, gold, that golden goose, met its reckoning. After a meteoric rise of 60%-a surge fueled by inflation’s specter and the tremors of geopolitical instability-it tumbled from its perch, shedding $2.5 trillion in a single day. The crash, sharper than a samurai’s blade, left investors clutching their digital wallets and wondering if the emperor had no clothes-or worse, if the clothes were just tokens. “Thus,” CZ might whisper, “does the ‘trust me bro’ asset reveal its true face: a mirage, a joke, a 🐒 dancing on a wire of promises.” 🚀

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2025-10-23 13:02