On October 17, 2025, TB Alternative Assets Ltd. decided Robinhood wasn’t just a meme stock-it was a “rational allocation of capital.” They bought 241,680 shares at an average of $34.6M. Which, dear reader, means we’re not in the woods anymore. Or maybe we are-this is stock-picking, after all, where “rational” is whatever the algorithm says that day.
IMAGE SOURCE: GETTY IMAGES.
What happened
A man walks into a filing cabinet and sees a number that makes him say, “Ah, yes. Robinhood. Of course.” TB Alternative Assets, a hedge fund with a knack for Q3 report anxiety, reported holding 241,680 Robinhood shares. Their 13F portfolio? Now $668.39M across 48 positions. Robinhood is now 5.2% of their U.S. equity bets. That’s like being 5.2% of the way through your ex’s Instagram before the panic sets in.
What else to know
Ruben Hood the stock is 2025’s accidental philosopher. It’s 381.7% richer than it was a year ago, which is great if you’re not paying attention to the S&P clock. (It outperformed by 374.73pp-math, the great seducer.) The fund’s top five holdings are a mix of tech and crypto bets, but let’s not act like MSTR and PDD aren’t just playgrounds for optimists.
TB’s top 5 holdings:
- META: $76.97M (11.5% AUM)-because who doesn’t want to run on a $350B bet called “the future, maybe?”
- GOOG: $58.56M (8.8%)-because even Google needs a second opinion
- INTC: $51.26M (7.7%)-because Moore’s Law is now Moore’s Gambit
- PDD: $45.72M (6.8%)-because Chinese border disputes are now on your balance sheet
- MSTR: $40.60M (6.1%)-because Michael Saylor’s a bit of a visionary or a very convincing NGO
Robinhood’s shares? $131.44 as of October 16. That’s not a number-it’s a dare. Or is it a valiant attempt at dignity? (I’m in therapy, what do I know.)
Company overview
| Metric | Value |
|---|---|
| Revenue (TTM) | $3.57B |
| Net income (TTM) | $1.79B |
| Price (as of market close October 16, 2025) | $131.44 |
| One-year price change | 381.7% |
Company snapshot
Robinhood is the financial equivalent of a TikTok influencer-easy to screen-cap, harder to sustain. It’s positing (pun intended) a commission-free world for retail investors. It’s a unicorn with no secondary either/or option, just a “regret later” menu. Its Gold subscription? 1.5M new subs in Q2. That’s not just growth, that’s a frenzy. Or is it just marketroids hearing their own echo? (Again, I’m not in therapy.)
Foolish take
TB’s Robinhood bet feels like being given a blunt by a receptionist you thought was three sheets to the wind. Is this a sign of genius or a midlife crisis disguised as a 13F filing? Robinhood’s Q2 revenue hit $989M (45% growth). Checks out. But so does a mortgage. Net income: up 105% to $386M. That’s not just good-it’s Schrodinger’s “committed to the strategy.”
Robinhood Gold? Added 1.5M subs. Which is fun until you realize they’re paying $5/month to watch you fail. The stock’s P/E? 65, which is like paying for a Picasso but expecting gold leaf. Morgan Stanley? 16. That’s the difference between a barista’s apron and a *very* formal dinner jacket.
TB’s move says, “We love risk and the APA format.” Robinhood says, “Give me $130 and I’ll forget you’re not Warren Buffett.” Which one’s the genius and which is just really convincing bricolage? (Therapist: *Again.*)
So is now a buy? Well, if you want to hold a stock with a P/E over 65, you need a thesis, a Venmo screenshot of a rejected friend request, and a napkin with your trade idea scribbled in sweat. Robinhood’s growth recipe? A sprinkling of scale, a dash of subscribers, and a fire sale for sanity. TB thinks it’s the next slam dunk. I think I’ll wait for the rebound… or maybe the third trailing twelve months. Choose your dilemma.
Glossary
Position: A holding or investment in a particular security or asset. Think of it as your ex’s favorite playlist turned investment account.
13F reportable portfolio: The collection of U.S. equity holdings that fund managers must disclose to the SEC. A filing so bureaucratic it makes Kafka blush.
AUM (Assets under management): The total market value of investments managed. Translation: How much you’re pooling for your next heart-to-heart about Bitcoin‘s death spirals.
Stake: Ownership percentage in a company. Frequently split 50/50 between hope and regret.
Outperforming: Achieving a higher return than a benchmark. Or just being the only one who forgot to sell in 2022.
TTM (Trailing twelve months): Financial metrics for the past year. Google that in one of your panic tabs.
Equity holdings: Shares of ownership in companies. Frequently, shares of companies you’re still trying to “get.”
Filing: An official document submitted to a regulatory authority. The SEC’s idea of a “game of thrones.”
Retail investing: Individuals buying/selling securities independently. The stock market’s most expensive hobby.
Options: Financial contracts with a 50/50 chance of turning into your bridge-and-tunnel disaster or glamorous’avant-garde art.
ETF (Exchange-traded fund): A diversified investment vehicle. Or a fancy way to say, “Hey, I’m not total cringe.”
Cash management solutions: Financial services for managing cash flow. Like your bank’s last resort to stop you from overdrawing and dreaming.
Aren’t investing and hope just synonyms at this point? 🤚
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2025-10-19 10:20