Bitcoin Plummets Like a Clumsy Clown, $1.2B Liquidated in Chaos 🤡💸

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In a twist fit for tragedy or comedy-whichever you prefer-Bitcoin decided to shed its earthly bonds and swoop below $105,000, plunging to a 15-week abyss. Traders, that wild lot, jittered like cats-fearing regional banks in the U.S. and the Chinese dragon breathing fire. Ah, the spice of international finance! 🌏🔥

As I write, BTC hovers at a whimsical $104,767, slipping 5.37% in mere hours-like a slipping on banana peel-and over the week, a reckless 13.95%. The market cap, a stat that sounds impressive but often isn’t, stands at $2.1 trillion, while traders scramble like headless chickens, pushing trading volume to a staggering $114 billion-because who doesn’t love a good panic sale? 🐔💥

Farside Investors’ data whisper that spot Bitcoin ETF outflows crossed $530 million today. ARK Invest’s ARKB led the exodus, shedding $275.2 million, and Fidelity’s FBTC joined the parade with $132 million. Who knew liquidation was the new nightlife? 🍻💸

Over on X (formerly Twitter), Peter Schiff, gold’s loudmouth prophet, chuckled and claimed gold would reach $1 million before Bitcoin-probably while sipping his bipartisan coffee.

“Gold is more likely to hit $1 million than Bitcoin,” – Peter Schiff (probably dreaming on a beach somewhere) 🏝️

“This isn’t just about ditching the dollar; it’s a full-blown break-up with Bitcoin,” he declared, sounding like a romantic rejected lover. “Bitcoin has flunked the test as a shiny new alternative. Sorry, digital gold, better luck next time,” he added, probably while gold-plated pipes leaked money. 💔💰

The chaos isn’t limited to the coin twirling in the digital wind. Over $1.20 billion evaporated like a bad magic trick, according to Coinglass. A devilish $898 million of that came from traders betting on long positions-those who believed the market would stay friendly. How quaint. 🧙‍♂️✨

Meanwhile, the old reliable, gold, keeps galloping to new heights. It hit another record of $4,380.79 per ounce, bringing its market cap to an eye-popping $30 trillion-because nothing says safety like a shiny rock with a past longer than a dragon’s tail. 🏅💥

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2025-10-17 19:17